is it him or is it me?

I just put Hunter down for his afternoon nap-- 15 minutes early and with very little lunch in his belly. After he threw his milk down on the floor three times, and threw multiple quesadillas, bread, and yogurt on the floor I gave him a one minute, very ineffective, timeout. I was at my boiling point. This is after taking him to Target, where we usually have lots of fun looking at things together. But today, he decided he did not want to sit in the cart. He somehow wiggled his way out of the strap and stood up in the seat while yelling "'get up! get up!" So, for the first time, I put him into the basket with his sippy of water and a few toys. I thought he could have fun playing in the basket. He thought it was punishment. He screamed and cried and got really angry at me.

I would love to let him walk beside me as we cruise through Target, but there is no way! He either runs his own direction or pulls everything off the shelves. Either way, I am not really shopping, I am wrangling a child who is so small yet can move so quickly. Not my idea of fun. In fact, it is testing my patience every step of the way. Today I am seriously questioning where my sweet little boy went and wondering if I will ever get him back.

He is too heavy to carry all the time, but it is one of the only ways to control his little body. He wants so badly to have independence, but he has no impulse control. Seriously. The kid has always been active, but this is a new level. His little body is able to do more and his mind is constantly wanting to know what is going on around him. Yesterday I took him to the mall play area, thinking it would be a fun outing and he could play in a different atmosphere. He is a sneaky little kid. Just when I thought he was starting to really enjoy the place, he would dart out and run through the mall, leaving me running after him desperately pleading with him to obey. He must have loved the scene it made and the attention he got, because this little song and dance repeated at least 10 times. I left there exhausted, angry, and seriously doubting my mothering skills.

My patience is worn thin and he is finding every hole. I am wondering if it is him that is acting crazy or if it is me. At the end of the day, it is probably both of us. He is entering a new developmental stage and I am still am still treating him as if he is in the old one. I, too, am entering a new stage of mothering. I need to learn to adapt to what he needs and grow in my patience. He needs more patience in how I approach disciplining him. But I also need to be patient with myself. I am still learning how to do this whole mothering thing. Hunter and I will have to learn together.

For now, I am going to enjoy a few minutes of a quiet house.