Over coffee with a friend this week, I listened to her story. I heard her talk about military life, the constant TDYs, the separation from extended family, and the never-ending needs of her children. She talked about a scary medical diagnosis in her family and her desire to connect more deeply with her spouse. We touched on how difficult it is to make friends and how painful it is to endure betrayal. Our children interrupted, needing potty help and snacks. Yet, we would bounce right back into conversation. She listened to me, too. I shared my own struggles with living overseas, surprise inconveniences of military life, and my difficulty living many different time zones away from my family and close friends.
We truly connected while sipping our from our coffee mugs. After we shared our lives with one another, I felt lighter. Not because anything had changed, but because I didn’t feel alone.
As I listened to her, I saw her deep joy mixed with confusion and a hint of fear. Her situation is drastically different from mine but her emotions feel eerily familiar. That emotional connection we shared reminds me that life is messy and hard and yet beautiful for everyone.
I have been going through my own stressful period in my life and I have been contemplating how people make it through the ups and downs of life. As I listened to my friend, I recognized that community provides such a jewel of hope in the midst of life’s chaos. I’m not talking about simply being around people. No, what is needed is a much deeper engagement of our souls.
True community does not come easily. Feeling connection with others requires I get out of my comfort zone and face the vulnerability of putting myself out there. It requires I stop gossiping and instead share personally about myself. In order to share about myself, I have to know myself, so that means I have to dig deep into my emotional world and discover what is truly happening inside of me.
Sometimes all of that work to get to real connection stops me from seeking it. Sometimes I try to share and I find the person isn’t trustworthy. But oh, when I bravely share and connect with people who are trustworthy, my burdens become lighter and the joy is multiplied.
This connection feels deeply spiritual to me, as it mimics what my Lord offers me in relationship with Him. His community of people are truly a gift.
Tuesday, August 27, 2019
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
March 20. The day the explosion hit.
Today a year ago, as I was putting the kids to bed, Josh received an email and immediately drove to the chapel. When I came downstairs after getting the kids situated I figured he had been called on an emergency, as that happened often when he was on call. But he showed back up a few minutes later, holding a piece of paper.
He said “I’m going to make you a margarita. You need to sit down.”
After being a little playful about it, he let it out. He had received PCS orders to move our family.
Completely out of the blue. We weren’t expecting orders for at least another year.
The shock of that set in with a whirlwind of excitement and anticipation. Of course I immediately wanted to know WHERE.
The look on his face made me know he felt hesitant to tell me.
My heart pounding, I was like, ok. Tell me.
“Japan. Misawa, Japan.”
My first thought was.... honey there has been a terrible mistake. You misread the email. They sent you the wrong one. This can’t be real.
Then I felt every human emotion all at the same time. It surreal. I was terrified.
Many of my friends can tell you about my tears that flowed for days after receiving this info. The fear. The unknown. The sheer amount of work that needed to be done to get 5 people into a different country in just 3 months. I was absolutely terrified. And overwhelmed.
And I stayed in that state for months, as I hurriedly cleaned out my house, had a garage sale, listed my house for sale, went to 1 million appointments for myself and my kids to get clearance to move to Japan. Honestly I wanted to sabotage those efforts. I was swimming in emotions. Some deep part of me knew I needed to submit this to God’s calling and timing in my life. So I didn’t sabotage. But the temptation was REAL.
The preparation to move became my full time job. I had to let go of my job I had worked so hard to get up and running. I cried and cried. I attempted to trust. But it didn’t come naturally to me. I was in a state of fear and uncertainty.
With our July date looming, I felt so much pressure to do allthethings and see allthepeople. I fit so much into those 3 months.
And then we boarded a plane and landed in northern, rural Japan.
——————————
Now it has been a year since the news of a move exploded into my life. Military life is full of compromise for the spouse. We are fully committed to supporting our service member. When our spouse gets orders, we also get orders. It is a family commitment to serve.
Today I feel so much compassion for a-year-ago-me. That was so intense. And it was hard. I came to Japan kicking and screaming.
He said “I’m going to make you a margarita. You need to sit down.”
After being a little playful about it, he let it out. He had received PCS orders to move our family.
Completely out of the blue. We weren’t expecting orders for at least another year.
The shock of that set in with a whirlwind of excitement and anticipation. Of course I immediately wanted to know WHERE.
The look on his face made me know he felt hesitant to tell me.
My heart pounding, I was like, ok. Tell me.
“Japan. Misawa, Japan.”
My first thought was.... honey there has been a terrible mistake. You misread the email. They sent you the wrong one. This can’t be real.
Then I felt every human emotion all at the same time. It surreal. I was terrified.
Many of my friends can tell you about my tears that flowed for days after receiving this info. The fear. The unknown. The sheer amount of work that needed to be done to get 5 people into a different country in just 3 months. I was absolutely terrified. And overwhelmed.
And I stayed in that state for months, as I hurriedly cleaned out my house, had a garage sale, listed my house for sale, went to 1 million appointments for myself and my kids to get clearance to move to Japan. Honestly I wanted to sabotage those efforts. I was swimming in emotions. Some deep part of me knew I needed to submit this to God’s calling and timing in my life. So I didn’t sabotage. But the temptation was REAL.
The preparation to move became my full time job. I had to let go of my job I had worked so hard to get up and running. I cried and cried. I attempted to trust. But it didn’t come naturally to me. I was in a state of fear and uncertainty.
With our July date looming, I felt so much pressure to do allthethings and see allthepeople. I fit so much into those 3 months.
And then we boarded a plane and landed in northern, rural Japan.
——————————
Now it has been a year since the news of a move exploded into my life. Military life is full of compromise for the spouse. We are fully committed to supporting our service member. When our spouse gets orders, we also get orders. It is a family commitment to serve.
Today I feel so much compassion for a-year-ago-me. That was so intense. And it was hard. I came to Japan kicking and screaming.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Monday, September 14, 2015
Logan is 2 months!
Logan is already 2 months old!
Here are his stats:Weight: 12 lbs, 6 oz (63%)
Height: 23.5 inches (68%)
Head: 15 3/4 inches (50%)
He is growing so fast! He has incredible body strength-- rolling over and holding his head up, and always fighting to pull up off my chest when I hold him. Tummy time is a breeze for him-- except that he likes being near people! He would much rather have tummy time on top of me than on the floor. He loves to cuddle and often his cries are simply because he wants to be near me. I LOVE being able to hold him and welcome cuddles almost anytime! :)
Logan eats 7-8 times a day and typically has a long stretch of sleep of about 6-7.5 hours long. He is doing beautifully!
This month we have started to notice some of the downfalls of a baby coming early. Since he was born at 36 weeks 5 days, we were warned that he may need to spend time in the NICU or have problems with his lungs. We were beyond thrilled when he was born with no complications that led to the NICU. He did have low blood sugar that required formula to be his first feeding and his blood to be checked every hour for about the first 20 hours. He had to have a car seat test for 90 minutes to ensure his heart and lungs could handle him being in a moving vehicle. And he struggled with jaundice for the first 5 weeks of his life. Nothing major.
This month we have noticed him not holding eye contact as long as a 2 month baby typically does. The doctor today was very encouraging, saying she thinks this is simply because he was born early, and therefore his eyes did not have as long to develop in utero. He does make eye contact, and he has started to socially smile in the past week, but it is much shorter and less frequent than I have experienced with my other babies. I am thankful Dr. Mueller was encouraging today. We will watch this, but there is no need for major concern yet.
Also, Logan prefers to have his head facing left, and part of his head is getting flatter because of it! This is common with babies, and Dr. Mueller said this is also very common with babies born early. We are going to spend time stretching out his neck to help him become more comfortable facing the other direction.
He got 2 shots today and an oral vaccination. He puked upon swallowing the oral meds. The doctor mentioned he may have a little reflux. Logan prefers to be upright and does spit up more than any of my other babies.
Even with all of this, Logan is the calmest, sweetest little baby. He is usually pretty easy going and thus far has not found a place he won't sleep. We are so thankful for our little guy!!
Sunday, August 10, 2014
To my son, before he starts Kindergarten
Dear Hunter,
This week you will pack up your Angry Bird's holographic back pack with number 2 pencils and a pink eraser and walk into the the doorway of the next chapter of your life. I am so excited for you, dear boy. You are bright, capable, sweet, and so affectionate. Your heart is genuinely kind and you constantly amaze me with your understanding of the world. I know Kindergarten is going to be so fun for you!
Love Bug, along with my excitement is a touch of sadness. Having you around all day every day has been such a source of joy and blessing to me. Especially in the past few months. You are growing into such an incredible little boy. I am going to miss your face during the day! I tell you this not to make you sad, but so that you know just how much you mean to me. The decision to send you to Kindergarten is not one that your daddy and I have taken lightly. We have spent hours praying over this decision and feel confident the Lord has guided us to enroll you. Please know that I am thinking of you during the day, praying for you, wondering about you, and missing you.
I want to tell you a few things that are important for you to know as you start school. Some of these lessons you will just have to learn along the way and some may not seem to make sense right now. But as I think of you starting school, I think of the next 13 years of education and the social implications of it... and these things come to mind....
1. I love you. I know you know this. I tell you daily. I will continue to tell you daily. But I want you to know it when I am not there to tell you.
2. There is nothing you can do to lose my love. I am for you, dear son, and will always be on your side.
3. You matter. You are a fun little boy and an amazing friend to have. Go in confidence into the halls of your elementary school. Your worth is not found in your academic excellence or your social abilities. You cannot earn any more favor and worth than you have already obtained as a child of God.
4. Not everyone is kind. You are good-natured and sweet, and you genuinely care for others. Some people, and even some kids, are not going to be kind to you. When you encounter this, please know it is okay to stand up for yourself and it is also okay to walk away from the situation. It is important to be kind even in the face of unkindness, but you do not have to endure it.
5. The world is broken. I hate this. I have tried to shield you from as much of the brokenness as I have been capable of during your first 5 years of life. The older you get the more of the brokenness you are going to see. Beyond kids being unkind, you may learn about or see some things that are confusing or hurt your heart. Please know you can always talk to me about these things. I want to help you navigate this world, as I, too, am learning to navigate it.
6. God loves you and He sees you. Even in the most lonely times, God is with you. His love will surround you and I will be praying daily that his love will guide you and protect you.
7. You can enjoy life. I hope you know this already and that it is never a question in your mind. But just in case! God made you to ENJOY life. You can wholeheartedly embrace being a kindergartner and enjoy it, without fear!
I love you, son. May this school year be full of fun and excitement and lots of new friends!! :)
This week you will pack up your Angry Bird's holographic back pack with number 2 pencils and a pink eraser and walk into the the doorway of the next chapter of your life. I am so excited for you, dear boy. You are bright, capable, sweet, and so affectionate. Your heart is genuinely kind and you constantly amaze me with your understanding of the world. I know Kindergarten is going to be so fun for you!
Love Bug, along with my excitement is a touch of sadness. Having you around all day every day has been such a source of joy and blessing to me. Especially in the past few months. You are growing into such an incredible little boy. I am going to miss your face during the day! I tell you this not to make you sad, but so that you know just how much you mean to me. The decision to send you to Kindergarten is not one that your daddy and I have taken lightly. We have spent hours praying over this decision and feel confident the Lord has guided us to enroll you. Please know that I am thinking of you during the day, praying for you, wondering about you, and missing you.
I want to tell you a few things that are important for you to know as you start school. Some of these lessons you will just have to learn along the way and some may not seem to make sense right now. But as I think of you starting school, I think of the next 13 years of education and the social implications of it... and these things come to mind....
1. I love you. I know you know this. I tell you daily. I will continue to tell you daily. But I want you to know it when I am not there to tell you.
2. There is nothing you can do to lose my love. I am for you, dear son, and will always be on your side.
3. You matter. You are a fun little boy and an amazing friend to have. Go in confidence into the halls of your elementary school. Your worth is not found in your academic excellence or your social abilities. You cannot earn any more favor and worth than you have already obtained as a child of God.
4. Not everyone is kind. You are good-natured and sweet, and you genuinely care for others. Some people, and even some kids, are not going to be kind to you. When you encounter this, please know it is okay to stand up for yourself and it is also okay to walk away from the situation. It is important to be kind even in the face of unkindness, but you do not have to endure it.
5. The world is broken. I hate this. I have tried to shield you from as much of the brokenness as I have been capable of during your first 5 years of life. The older you get the more of the brokenness you are going to see. Beyond kids being unkind, you may learn about or see some things that are confusing or hurt your heart. Please know you can always talk to me about these things. I want to help you navigate this world, as I, too, am learning to navigate it.
6. God loves you and He sees you. Even in the most lonely times, God is with you. His love will surround you and I will be praying daily that his love will guide you and protect you.
7. You can enjoy life. I hope you know this already and that it is never a question in your mind. But just in case! God made you to ENJOY life. You can wholeheartedly embrace being a kindergartner and enjoy it, without fear!
I love you, son. May this school year be full of fun and excitement and lots of new friends!! :)
Monday, June 23, 2014
Hunter is FIVE!
1. How old are you? five! five, mommy, five!
2. What is your favorite animal? a penguin!
3. What is your favorite thing to eat? French Fries!
4. What is your favorite game? Angry Birds-- you knew that, mommy, you did! You know the birthday questions already.
5. What do you like to play with daddy? Wrestling.
5. What do you like to play with daddy? Wrestling.
6. What is your favorite TV show? Angry Birds Cartoons
7. What is your favorite movie? Cars & Angry Birds Rio
8. What is your favorite color? Blue
9. What is your favorite sport? Baseball. Who do you root for? I don't root for anybody.
12. What is your favorite book? My Angry Birds book that I made.
13. What do you like to do with mommy? play with you! Play Angry Birds with you!
14. What do you like to do with Adelyn? Play with her! I like to play blocks with her.
15. What do you think of our new house? I don't like it. Because I don't like houses. Because they are not very nice.
16. What is your favorite Angry Bird? The BOMB!
17. Who is your best friend? Owen.
18. What do you want to be when you grow up? The Bomb! hehehe. An Angry Birds maker. I want to make movies and cartoons. The Bomb would be making things! It would be so funny if a Bird was trying to make stuff- it would be so funny because a birdie doesn't make stuff!
19. What was your favorite gift for your birthday this year? The fluffy birdies!
Monday, April 28, 2014
Show & Tell
Today my little boy is the line leader at school. That means he gets to lead the line to enter the classroom, to the playground, and any other line they form. AND, it means it is his show and tell day!
Hunter has been anxiously awaiting this day all week! We spent several hours yesterday combing through his Cars collection to pick 10 cars to show his classmates. Each choice was made with extreme particularity... would the other students have this car? Have they seen this one before? Do they know how this launcher works? It was an intense decision... and in the end, we let him take 12 cars. I love seeing his excitement over sharing his treasures with his classmates!
He also chose a red plush Angry Bird and two toy green piggies from Angry Birds.
For snack time, he chose colored goldfish, chocolate graham crackers, popcorn, and fruit snacks. He said if he brought a book the teachers would read it during class time. SO... He decided to bring a book that he has been writing all year... He loves to do creative story telling and from time to time he asks Josh and I to write down the stories he tells. He started a notebook with all of his Angry Bird Stickers and asks us to write in that notebook. I am excited that he wants to share his creativity with his class.... that is such a brave, bold move.
This morning as he was about to leave, he was grinning from ear-to-ear. He said, "I might get to pray!!" I asked him what he meant. He said, "The line leader gets to pray for snack time! Today is my day!"
I am so proud of Hunter and love watching him grow. This exercise at school is growing his confidence in who he is and his ability to share his interests with others. I am so thankful this school year has been a positive experience so far!
Hunter has been anxiously awaiting this day all week! We spent several hours yesterday combing through his Cars collection to pick 10 cars to show his classmates. Each choice was made with extreme particularity... would the other students have this car? Have they seen this one before? Do they know how this launcher works? It was an intense decision... and in the end, we let him take 12 cars. I love seeing his excitement over sharing his treasures with his classmates!
He also chose a red plush Angry Bird and two toy green piggies from Angry Birds.
For snack time, he chose colored goldfish, chocolate graham crackers, popcorn, and fruit snacks. He said if he brought a book the teachers would read it during class time. SO... He decided to bring a book that he has been writing all year... He loves to do creative story telling and from time to time he asks Josh and I to write down the stories he tells. He started a notebook with all of his Angry Bird Stickers and asks us to write in that notebook. I am excited that he wants to share his creativity with his class.... that is such a brave, bold move.
This morning as he was about to leave, he was grinning from ear-to-ear. He said, "I might get to pray!!" I asked him what he meant. He said, "The line leader gets to pray for snack time! Today is my day!"
I am so proud of Hunter and love watching him grow. This exercise at school is growing his confidence in who he is and his ability to share his interests with others. I am so thankful this school year has been a positive experience so far!
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