what sickness?

I like to think of myself as pretty level-headed. I bet some of you are laughing right now. But seriously, I have come a long way being less "high strung." At least I think so.

Until I find myself in a doctors office with Hunter screaming and the doctor asking all kinds of questions. At that moment, I lose all control of my mind and lots of fear and total irrationality come to life. I cannot think clearly and my ability to answer simple questions goes out the window. It is not that I am irrational about Hunter's illness, but I just cannot think & I want my baby to be well so badly I find my mind cloudy and confusing!

I have had this experience a lot. Ever since Hunter was 4 months old and diagnosed with a Urinary Tract Infection, it seems our lives have been full of doctors visits and urine samples. Every time the poor kid gets a fever and starts acting clingy, I get so nervous. Is this another UTI? Since the main symptoms are frequent and painful urination it is really hard to know. Hunter cannot tell us it hurts and since he is in a diaper I cannot tell if he went 4 little times or 1 big time. So I am forced to just watch his temperature and check for any blood in his diaper.

Today, he had blood in his diaper. I was really angry to see it there again. We seriously just took him to the doctor 2 weeks ago. And when I saw it, I knew my planned afternoon of studying was going to be spent in the doctors office instead. I mean, the doctors are probably going to tell us it is nothing, but we can't NOT go... we have to make sure he is okay and the reflux is not doing any damage to his kidneys.

So off to the doctor we went. We put the bag on him and he did not pee, so we had to put another one on him. He did not want to drink his water and playing in the sink was not helping him to go either. So Josh bought a sprite and fanta. Yep, we gave our son soda... at the doctors office. While I am not proud of this, it did work. An hour and a half later, we finally got him to pee.

And just shortly after that we were assured by the doctor that there was no blood and no sign of infection in this pee. GREAT.

So once again the doctors are telling us Hunter has a virus. Seems every 2 weeks the kid has a virus. Today I asked the doc about what we can do... he said until Hunter is able to talk and is potty trained, we have to just keep bringing him in if he shows signs of UTI.

Looks like this is just part of being a mom for now.

the life of a 15-month-old

15 months

Little Man is growing up so fast!!! This has been a big month for Hunter developmentally. At 15 months:

Weight: 22 lbs, 9 ounces
Height: 31.5 inches
Head: 47.4 cm

Hunter is so active. He hardly ever stops moving unless he is asleep. With his new ability to walk, he is enjoying being more independent than ever. This means nothing, and I mean nothing, is safe around Hunter! He can now climb on the couch, reach more bookshelves, reach my bread basket and other items in the kitchen, and move so fast that he requires constant attention. He is a very curious little boy and he loves to explore everything around him. He loves to play peek-a-boo.

He understands and does the motion associated with: "Give me a baby hug!" "Say goodbye!" "How big is Hunter?" "Let's go take a bath!" "Show me your duck (bathtub toy)!" and "Ask for more!" He can nod his head yes now. But more often, we see him shake his head no. He has become a much more picky eater, but it seems like that is more because he doesn't really have time to eat anymore. Sitting still for that long is just not.his.thing. He is loving the playground lately, especially when he can climb up the slide. He is almost strong enough to do it himself, but not quite. He still likes to swing but for much shorter time periods. Again, that keeps him waaaay too couped up!

He is still very sweet and loving. He still cuddles me in the mornings. It is a much shorter time now but I take whatever I can get! I know that sweet time isn't going to last forever. He loves to play with my hair.

He loves books, anything small he can grip tightly while on the move, and his toy car that he likes to ride on. His favorite foods are bananas and toast. He loves milk and apple juice, too. He still likes bath time, but much less than he used to. He now helps to put away the toys at the end of the bath.

We love him so much and learn something new from him all the time. We are so blessed to be his parents!!!

Oh, and it is near impossible to get pictures of him actually looking at the camera. He is far too busy to stop and look!

Taking off

So in the past week Hunter has gone from taking a few steps in a row to full speed ahead all the time. Whew! This little boy is determined and stubborn. He wants to go where he will and he will not give up until the mission is accomplished. I am so happy for him and so proud. My heart swells with pride to see my little man put one foot in front of the other. A little piece of me is sad, though. My little boy needs me a little less now. He certainly wants me a little less, too. I know he still needs me plenty but he is becoming more independent every day. The pride I have for him as well as the sadness I have over how fast he is growing up brought tears to my eyes today. What a privilege it is to be a mom.

Hunter is also teaching me things. Hunter falls down a lot. A lot a lot. But he never lets it stop him from going where he wants to go. He usually doesn't think twice about getting right back up and plowing ahead. Oh to have that attitude! I feel so encouraged from watching his determination to not give up. Even when things are hard and I fall down, I want to get back up.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

Scazzero pushes Christians out of their comfort zones through this book. He opens the book with an example out of his own life where he was not living honestly. He chose to deny his feelings for the sake of someone else and as a result his family was neglected. He used this example to show the importance of being honest and having priorities for oneself. But how can we have priorities without knowing ourselves?
One of the best aspects of the book is that it pushes you out of hiding and into authenticity about who you really are. Christians today struggle with feeling they must deny themselves in order to love other people well, just like the example at the beginning of the book. Scazzero does an excellent job of highlighting the importance of owning your feelings. “One of the greatest obstacles in knowing God is our own lack of self-knowledge,” writes Scazzero. This fear of knowing ourselves stunts our growth in Christ because it is like turning our backs on reality (p.73).
Why are we afraid of knowing ourselves? Scazzero offers many suggestions for this question. Our culture tends to believe that if we ignore something or do not think about it, it somehow goes away. Many Christians think that if they do not think about something in their past whether it be a mistake made in high school or disappointments from childhood that the event or feeling will not have an impact on their lives. “Unhealed wounds open us up to habitual sin against God and others,” (p. 109). We consciously and unconsciously live out of the fear that particular event causes us. Scazzero invites his readers to make diagrams of their families called genograms that help to understand family patterns, the blessings and sins of our families, and understanding what role we play in our families. Genograms help people to the see the early messages we took in from our families and how they “influence our present relationships and behaviors as well as our self-esteem” (p. 97). Understanding our past is a huge step in becoming emotional healthy.
Although this sounds enticing for many people, most people do not know how to slow down long enough to do the work. Analyzing our feelings and understanding our pasts does not come easily. We must learn to stop over-scheduling, hiding from our feelings, and denying our true selves. Scazzero suggests that a weekly Sabbath to rest is necessary to slow down our pace and help us to reflect upon God and ourselves. Stopping many times throughout the day is helpful, too, to evaluate feelings and learn to name them and begin to work through them. Slowing down our pace is essential to learning how to live emotionally healthy lives.
As we begin to slow down and really look at our emotions, God will call us to press into the pain and fear. One of my favorite quotes in the book is this: “The heart of Christianity is that the way to life is through death, the pathway of resurrection is through crucifixion” (p. 140). It is not easy to grow into emotional maturity, but it is good for our souls. God will not leave us or forsake us in the process.

Hunter's Last Bottle

Hunter is officially done with the bottle now. We gave him his last one Wednesday morning and he hasn't seemed to miss it. These are pictures of his last bottle, along with mommy morning cuddle time.

He's a walkin'

This isn't the greatest video ever, but Hunter is WALKING! He is such a big boy!!!! He started walking multiple steps in a row late last week. This weekend he got super brave and now he walks a lot! He still crawls when he wants to go fast, but walking is becoming more normal.