Scazzero pushes Christians out of their comfort zones through this book. He opens the book with an example out of his own life where he was not living honestly. He chose to deny his feelings for the sake of someone else and as a result his family was neglected. He used this example to show the importance of being honest and having priorities for oneself. But how can we have priorities without knowing ourselves?
One of the best aspects of the book is that it pushes you out of hiding and into authenticity about who you really are. Christians today struggle with feeling they must deny themselves in order to love other people well, just like the example at the beginning of the book. Scazzero does an excellent job of highlighting the importance of owning your feelings. “One of the greatest obstacles in knowing God is our own lack of self-knowledge,” writes Scazzero. This fear of knowing ourselves stunts our growth in Christ because it is like turning our backs on reality (p.73).
Why are we afraid of knowing ourselves? Scazzero offers many suggestions for this question. Our culture tends to believe that if we ignore something or do not think about it, it somehow goes away. Many Christians think that if they do not think about something in their past whether it be a mistake made in high school or disappointments from childhood that the event or feeling will not have an impact on their lives. “Unhealed wounds open us up to habitual sin against God and others,” (p. 109). We consciously and unconsciously live out of the fear that particular event causes us. Scazzero invites his readers to make diagrams of their families called genograms that help to understand family patterns, the blessings and sins of our families, and understanding what role we play in our families. Genograms help people to the see the early messages we took in from our families and how they “influence our present relationships and behaviors as well as our self-esteem” (p. 97). Understanding our past is a huge step in becoming emotional healthy.
Although this sounds enticing for many people, most people do not know how to slow down long enough to do the work. Analyzing our feelings and understanding our pasts does not come easily. We must learn to stop over-scheduling, hiding from our feelings, and denying our true selves. Scazzero suggests that a weekly Sabbath to rest is necessary to slow down our pace and help us to reflect upon God and ourselves. Stopping many times throughout the day is helpful, too, to evaluate feelings and learn to name them and begin to work through them. Slowing down our pace is essential to learning how to live emotionally healthy lives.
As we begin to slow down and really look at our emotions, God will call us to press into the pain and fear. One of my favorite quotes in the book is this: “The heart of Christianity is that the way to life is through death, the pathway of resurrection is through crucifixion” (p. 140). It is not easy to grow into emotional maturity, but it is good for our souls. God will not leave us or forsake us in the process.
