I am living the last 48 hours of my life in my 20s.
I cried the day I turned 20, feeling so old and weirded out by switching decades. I have a feeling that is going to happen again when I leave the 20s in a few days. Since I am an easy crier, this is a perfectly fitting way to bookend the decade.
My experience of this decade has been rich, full, excruciating, and joyful. I have had so much life happen in this decade. I have made decisions that have set the path for the rest of my life. I have experienced deep pain and grief. I have experienced pure joy. Here is a little synopsis of my twenties...
20- Started as an intern at a Baptist church in Maryland the summer before my junior year of college. In Waco, I lived with my best friend and several other girls in a duplex and began loving my degree program at Baylor. Got hired as a student writer for the PR department at Baylor. Deepened friendships and my understanding of God's Word.
21- Began with a diagnosis of cancer for my father. I decided to spend the summer at home with him and will never regret this decision. I celebrated my birthday with my dear friend Cyndie in Las Cruces! Then, I walked with my dad through his terrible disease and learned what it meant to grieve. Such a painful loss... A few months later, I graduated from Baylor with a great bunch of family and friends.
22- Moved to Colorado to start an internship with Youth For Christ. I lived with a host family and volunteered for a church youth group in the evenings and on the weekends. So much transition and uncertainty surrounded my life... I was deeply grieving but not sure how to do so and I was trying to establish my life as an adult. It was an exciting time mixed with great fear and self-doubt. Eventually, I got hired on at both YFC and the church youth group and I was able to get my own apartment.
23- I had an awesome roommate, Amber, and we had a cute little townhouse together in Parker, CO. I transitioned from YFC to a job at Colorado School of Dance as the Communications Coordinator, doing a lot of different jobs from advertising to scheduling and customer service to fitting dance shoes. It was a great experience and I loved having a professional job. I met Josh during this year, on one of his final days in Colorado before he was being transferred out to Virginia to work at NATO. I didn't realize at the time that meeting would change my life....
24- I turned 24 in Virginia! I had moved out there just days before to live near my fiance (!) and get ready for our wedding. Josh planned an exciting birthday complete with the gift of pearls to wear on my wedding day. In August, we got married and in October we got to travel to Italy for part of Josh's training for his job at NATO. What a wonderful surprise that was!! We spent 10 days backpacking through Italy, with no plan other than to enjoy the country. I got my real estate license and began working for a family-owned company in Virginia Beach. Josh and I rented a townhouse from one of his former roommates and began our lives together.
25- Began with a great celebration with my new friends in Virginia Beach! Josh and I bought our first house together, an adorable town home about 10 minutes drive from the coast. We cooked out a lot, volunteered as leaders of our church's youth group, and enjoyed being married. I got to go to Chicago to see a Cubs game with my dear brother!!! Then I got super sick and couldn't figure out why. Everyday I felt terrible but there seemed to be no answers as to what was causing it. Until in November, I found out I was PREGNANT! Whoa!!!
26- I was large and extremely uncomfortable on my 26th birthday. Josh took me to Texas Roadhouse, which I love, but all I could think about was getting the baby out!! Hunter came 10 days later via c-section! I spent this year in yet another transition-- learning what it means to love someone with my whole heart and also how to give my entire being to another life. I loved being a mom, felt incredibly challenged by being a mom, and spent a large portion of this year with great anxiety wondering if I was doing enough for my new baby. Josh & I made a big decision to love to Saint Louis to pursue graduate school together. So, we put our house on the market and took a 60 day road trip all over the country visiting family and friends as we moved. In January, we moved onto Covenant Seminary's campus and that is where we still live today. We both became students again as we still were learning what it meant to be parents.
27- I turned 27 with my entire family surrounding me! I got to wake up in Texas with my mom, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins! Then I got the great news that I was accepted into the Counseling program at Covenant, which I had wanted all along but was too nervous to apply for at first. I joined the class of 2013 in classes that fall, and began classes that helped me form my view of people and the world. Those classes are still some of my favorite in the program. I suffered two miscarriages and lots of pain associated with those losses. When I got pregnant the third time, my heart was still grieving and was very fearful of another loss. It took me a while to begin to enjoy this pregnancy.
28- For my 28th birthday party, several of my friends in STL got together and took me out for Mexican food, and then Courtney hosted a dessert party at her house. I was so thankful for that, because Josh was 14 hours away in South Carolina for the summer. It was hard to have a birthday without him here! I was very sick (morning sickness!) and a little heartbroken that summer, still grieving my miscarriages and missing my husband. But that summer changed me in ways that I will be forever grateful I got to see my personal strength at handeling a 2 year old by myself while being pregnant and I began to learn how to ask for help rather than always rely on myself. My friendships grew deeper, and I learned to value my relationship with my husband to a whole new level. Then, in December, we welcomed Adelyn into our family. She was born via scheduled c-section and my Mom and Glen were some of the first to welcome her to the world. Then, Cyndie came and helped me as Josh had drill and finished his finals. I was blown away by Cyndie's selflessness and willingness to fly out here and take care of me and my kiddos! By the end of January, I was back into my classes and adjusting to being a mother of two. I was so sick during her pregnancy that I actually felt better as a sleep-deprived mother of a newborn than I did before she was born!
29- Ah, 29. I have loved you so dearly. I was so excited to turn 29 last summer. I felt better than I had felt in ages and much more comfortable in my own skin. I was comfortable in my program at Covenant, much more calm about being a mother, and generally enjoying life. 29 has been amazing. I got to begin seeing clients in a professional setting and see how well this career fits my giftings and calling. I spent the year in an internship group with the best supervisor and classmates I could have ever hoped for. I got to watch my little toddler morph into a boy and my baby begin toddlerhood. And I graduated with a Master's of Arts in Counseling. I hope that my experience of being 29 is a small taste of what it is going to be like to be 30 and beyond.
See, I told you, my twenties have been FULL. Full of life-altering decisions, new people tied to me forever, and saying goodbye to my dear daddy. I have moved to 6 different states, found a career I love, and settled into my new roles of wife and mother. I am thankful for all the twenties have provided... just writing this out has reminded me of how exhausting this decade has been! It has been full of insecurities, anxiety, and fear. I hope that in my 30s life will even out a little bit, that I will be able to enjoy the many blessings that surround me and that I will continue developing my own personhood by...
-loving myself because of my imperfections rather than trying to hide or deny them.
-enjoying my children rather than trying to do parenting 'right'.
-deepen my friendships by exposing who I really am, rather than pretending.
-develop my counseling skills with confidence rather than hiding or minimizing who God has made me to be.
-practice being present daily rather than rushing through life.
-rest in the knowledge that I am loved by God and that His is the only opinion that truly matters, rather than trying to please everyone around me.
I have learned a lot in my 20s. But I really am looking forward to my 30s. I want to continue this journey, enjoying the bits of wisdom I have picked up along the way and seeking out more every day.
