Perfecting Ourselves to Death

We have all seen people we would label “perfectionist,” and in fact most people have the tendency toward it. Our culture feeds our desire and deep inside we tend to believe it is possible. Perfect appearance, perfect thoughts, perfect achievements and a perfect household elude us in this life, yet the pressure remains to seek them anyway. Dr. Richard Winter has done an incredible job of analyzing the issue as well as discussing the way our culture--both secular and within the church-- perpetuate the problem. Winter discusses genetic tendencies, relational modeling, pressure from authority figures, and internal fears that create and motivate perfectionism. There are many dangerous results of this pattern of thinking such as depression, eating disorders, and anxiety. Dr. Winter describes the problems and then discusses the pride and the shame that tend to drive people to be driven perfectionists or defeated perfectionists.

Right at the point the reader may feel that it is hopeless to overcome this pervasive issue, Winter describes the importance of knowing yourself in order to grow. “When someone begins loosening the grip of unhealthy perfectionism they must have a strong and reliable sense of identity and purpose, built on a foundation of reality and truth, that will allow them to grow toward a healthy pursuit of excellence,” (p. 147). At this point, I expected to find a series of personality tests and examples of how to learn about oneself. Thankfully, Winter took the healing deeper by delving into the Gospel in order to understand oneself. He did this very carefully. “What really matters is what God thinks of us. We have a given or derived identity--not an identity that we create for ourselves,” (p. 153). Winter goes on to describe the tension of being created in God’s image yet living in a fallen world. We can finally stop the race to perfection by resting in the perfect acceptance of God. “This is finally our greatest comfort; Christ has us in his grip, and somehow he will complete the task of making us perfect and bringing us to glory,” (p. 175). Christ is the ultimate answer to our perfectionism.

The way Winter turns the book to focus on Christ makes this a unique source for Christians. Winter has a medical background and fully diagnoses the issue from a mental health standpoint. He does not give the Gospel message as an easy answer for the issue, but rather as a true hope for those who long to change. The point is emphasized that we will not ever attain perfection on this Earth. In God’s definition, perfection is a “Christlike character” (p. 169) and this is what he is growing us toward. We are able to change and Christ takes us down that path toward healing. The process is slow, over time, which may frustrate the perfectionist who wants “the goal achieved immediately or not at all,” (p. 78). God calls us to trust him and rely on him.