Clinging to Grace

Jesus Loves Me!

2012-02-13T23:08:00.007-05:00

Melted my heart! ENJOY!

Here is what he says in case you can't understand:
Jesus loves me, this I know, for the... I wanna watch, mommy.
Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong, they are precious baby I know. Yes, Jesus loves Hunter. The Bible tells me so. The Hunter Jesus song.

Smiles!

2012-02-13T22:58:00.005-05:00

I finally caught some smiles on camera! ;) Adelyn has adorable smiles when people look at her directly. She is very social. Here is a link to Hunter Smiling at about the same age. Do you think they look alike?

first bath

2012-02-04T14:28:00.005-05:00

This post is a flash back to December 14, 2012, when Adelyn had her first "real" bath at home. She was not too enthusiastic about the process, but Hunter was! He wanted to be involved in any way possible. He got her a bath toy, sat by her side and really wanted to help with the soap.

Here are a few pictures!

Outing

2012-02-03T22:52:00.005-05:00

Today, after 9 weeks of having 2 children, I took my first solo outing with both children (besides a trip to church when Josh had drill). I am physically feeling better than I have felt in months and with Adelyn sleeping through the night more I thought I was rested up for the challenge.

Hunter & I used to take all kinds of outings during the week when it was just the two of us. I have really missed that freedom and flexibility lately and I am not the only one. In fact, Hunter asked me if we could go to Target this week. Love that kid! So this morning I decided it would be fun to go to the mall and hit up the train table at Barnes & Noble. I fed Adelyn, changed her and packed the diaper bag. And off we went. Adelyn tends to hate being put in her car seat so the first five minutes of the drive she was screaming. But then she fell asleep. And she slept for about an hour!

During that hour, Hunter and I read several books, played with trains and he spent a lot of time on my lap. Just like old times! When she woke up, I told Hunter to play with the trains so I could feed her. For the most part, he stayed right in the area. As I was feeding Adelyn, she had a blow out. It wasn't until I got home that I realized some of it got on my shirt... true sign of motherhood: walking through the mall with poo on your shirt. I got her cleaned up, then finished feeding her and by then it was time to go home to eat lunch. I told Hunter it was time to go, turned to put Adelyn in her car seat and heard Hunter screaming, "NO!!!!" He took off running as fast as he could away from me. I had a moment of sheer panic... do I dare try to maneuver a giant double stroller quickly through the store as I chase after my 2-year-old? Or do I leave Adelyn and all my stuff here and chase after him? Thankfully, he unknowingly turned and ran back toward me down a different aisle. I was able to corner him while not going too far from Adelyn.

Then, I desperately had to go to the bathroom. Our stroller is a "sit and stand" so if you use an infant carrier, the other child must stand. Hunter is usually pretty good at standing on the stroller and he likes it. But this does not strap him down. So, without going into too much detail, in the middle of me using the restoom, Hunter runs around the stall and unlocks the door. With the door wide open and my 2 year old exploring the entire bathroom, I quickly pull my pants up and chase after him once again.

Finally, we make our way to the van. I have gotten in the habit of opening the door on Adleyn's side, letting Hunter crawl through, putting Adelyn in her seat and then walking around and strapping in Hunter. I did that, shut the door so I knew both kids were in the van, and then attempted to put the stroller in the back of the van. I wrestled that thing for a good 2.5 minutes and could not get it to fold down. So I tried to put it in the back of our van with it standing up. But the door wouldn't close, so I put it back on the ground and tried again to fold it. All the while, Adelyn is screaming and Hunter is terrorizing my van, since I haven't strapped him into his seat yet. Finally the stroller collapsed, just in time for me to save Adelyn from getting her eye poked for the 12th time this morning.

Adelyn screamed the whole way home.

I am glad I went and I know Hunter had a great time until I told him it was time to go home. And I find hope in knowing that this will get easier!

Adelyn, 2 months!

2012-02-02T11:09:00.009-05:00

Adelyn is two months old. WOW! She has been such a little blessing to our family. She is laid back and mild mannered. Her smile melts my heart and is the highlight of my days!!!
2 month stats:
Weight: 11 lbs, 11.8 oz
Height: 22.5 inches

She has started to sleep through the night. Last night she had her longest night yet: 9 hours. Ahhh I am so proud!!! This week her night sleep has varied from 5 hours to 9 hours, usually somewhere around 7.5 or 8. This is great for her and great for me, too. I am starting to feel like myself again.

Her brother still makes her tougher by the day! He thinks her head makes a great track for his cars and her eyes are totally fun to poke. Poor thing, it truly is hard to be the second child!! Hunter kisses her and sings to her, too. He absolutely loves her and wants to make sure she is included in all his play time. Right after this picture was taken, Hunter sat on her head.
The doctor said, "She is perfect!" She also said that Adelyn looks like a 2 month old but has the physical ability of a 3 month old. She wrote in her notes that she is "an alert, social, happy baby." Adelyn got 2 shots and an oral vaccine this month. She was not very happy the rest of the day. When she was awake, she was crying, but most of the afternoon and evening she spent asleep.
We are so thankful for Adelyn!

Iowa in January

2012-01-20T17:21:00.005-05:00

This Weekend we went to Iowa to visit Josh's parents and introduce them to Adelyn. Good times! Here are a few pictures!

Hunter: 30 months

2012-01-06T19:04:00.006-05:00

Hunter is now 2 & 1/2! He is transforming from a baby into a little boy before my eyes. He continually amazes me with his ability to listen and follow directions. Every day he matures a little more. He now calls me, "MommaKim" when he is asking for something or trying to be charming. This nickname always makes me smile! He calls Josh "DaDaJosh" which is equally adorable. His vocabulary is huge.

He loves to play with trains and cars. For Christmas, he was given a parking garage and though it is made for little people cars it has become a beloved home for all of his cars from the movie Cars. He plays with that garage for hours at a time, seriously. He commands, "Momma sit on the floor and play cars with me!" Another favorite is his train track with all his trains. This captivates him for a long time, too. He loves to sword fight and pillow fight daddy in the evenings and cuddle mommy with a book before bed.

We are still working on expanding his diet. He loves bread, cheese and milk and we have been offering more and more vegetables and fruits daily. He likes orange juice a lot!

He loves being around baby sister. He turns on music for her and gives her lots of kisses. Today in the car she was crying a little bit and Hunter turned to her and said, "Shhh Shh sister, we'll be home soon."

He makes us laugh all the time! He loves to be a stand up comedian!

Here are some of my favorite Hunter stories lately:
1. Today he requested orange juice. I got him some and he sat down and drank it. Then he said, "Mommy, I talking. My mouth has new batteries!!"
2. He came home from the log cabin on Wednesday singing the song deep and wide. He was also singing something that had the line, "down in my soul." I was prompting him to sing more of the song so I said, "Hunter, what is down in your soul?" He thought for a second and then said, "COOKIES!"
3. He has started to show fear at night when we leave him in his dark room. He is particularly scared of shadows. He told us that a shadow touched his head and played with his hair and that he didn't like it. We have told him that God is with him at night and that he doesn't need to be afraid. Last night as we were putting him down he said, "Jesus is in the dark, Mommy."

1 month: part 2

2012-01-04T15:32:00.006-05:00

Yesterday Adelyn had her 1 month appointment, so I have to post again! We just love our new pediatrician. She is a mom as well as a doctor so her advice is both medical as well as personal. We feel so blessed to have her as our doctor. She has taken on Hunter as well! Hooray! We have never been pleased with Hunter's doctor here in STL so what a blessing to now find someone we like that will accept our insurance and care for our kiddos!!!

Adelyn's 1 month stats:
weight: 9 lbs, 15.8 oz (68%)
height: 21 inches (50%)
head: 14 7/8 (61%)

Adelyn got a great report from the doctor. She said Adelyn's body control is more like a 2 month old baby. The way she moves, holds her hed up, and lays on her side were all markers of a baby older than one month. In fact, at one point during the appointment the doctor started shuffling papers and said, "This is her one month check right? She isn't two months old?" We all laughed and I assured her that Adelyn is still just one month old. I have felt from the beginning that Adelyn was born with the skills of a baby a few weeks old. She fights to hold up her head and she has done that since day one. Physically, she above the curve.
Adelyn ready to go to her appointment:

The doctor also commented on how social she was already. She smiled at the doctor! It was a great appointment. Adelyn only had to get one shot. Here she is showing off her band aid:
Here is Hunter loving on her as always:

Adelyn, 1 month

2012-01-01T16:35:00.005-05:00

Adelyn is one month old today. It is crazy how fast these early days go. She has been a wonderful baby. Seriously, she has been such a little pleasure to have around. She nurses quickly and quite well, she sleeps great and when she is awake is generally happy and pleasant. She loves to cuddle and spends her free time swinging or staring at the Christmas tree.

She sleeps in mommy & daddy's room in her bassinet at night. During the day she sleeps in her swing, her bouncer, or on mommy's lap. Right now she is taking her very first nap in her crib. She eats between 8-10 times a day, usually.

Hunter is so good with her. He loves being near her, giving her kisses and touching her "nicely." He is still learning how to be gentle with her and he is sometimes disappointed that she won't play with the toys he offers her. But overall he is really a great big brother. He calls her "my baby" and "baby sister." He says she is "soooo cute" and he laughs at all the little noises she makes.

Adelyn fits in the family quite naturally. It has been an easy transition adding her into the mix.

I am still healing but doing so much better than I was after my c-section with Hunter.

Goodbye 2011

2011-12-31T17:42:00.004-05:00

There is a large part of me that wants to say, "Good Riddance" to 2011 and leave it behind forever. It has been a rough year on many levels. We have faced grief, pain, loneliness and anger this year. But at the same time I have come to know more freedom, more joy, and more of God than ever before. So while I am so ready for this year to be over, I am truly thankful for the growth that the pain has brought about.

We started the year in heartache over the loss of our second child, just a few weeks after knowing of his existence. I had a miscarriage on Christmas Day 2010. This loss sent me into a dark place. I was forced to face the question of why God allows things like this to happen. Were we being punished? Had God forgotten me? Naturally this led me to grieving my father again. I felt shame over my body, anger toward God, and confusion over what I was supposed to do with my life. We met with a doctor and he assured us that there was nothing wrong with me physically and that these things happen due to no fault of the parents. Josh and I cried together and we named this child Patrick.

In March, I became pregnant again, though the numbers were quite low. The doctor told me from the beginning that it didn't look like this pregnancy would make it. Just a few short days later, I lost this child. Instead of sadness, I felt great anger after this loss. I was certain I would never have any more children and that God had forgotten me.

In April, I found out I was pregnant again. Though I was absolutely elated a great fear welled up inside of me (along with a lot of nausea). The only way I got past the fear was deciding to enjoy the pregnancy each day and not think about the future. On April 11, we got to see a tiny heartbeat on the ultrasound machine. On April 26 we saw the heartbeat and saw how the baby was growing. And I was getting sicker by the day--- all good signs of a healthy pregnancy.

In May, Josh and I finished the Spring semester on a Monday and then Josh packed up and left for Army Training that Saturday. He spent 90 days in South Carolina while Hunter and I remained in Missouri. I was 12 weeks pregnant the day he left and was praying for the morning sickness to go away. It lasted about 13 or 14 weeks with Hunter. But it did not go away. I spent most of the summer feeling icky and unable to eat. I missed Josh so much. I really struggled taking care of Hunter and myself through the morning sickness. I was lonely for Josh.

In June, Hunter turned two! I threw him a birthday party with lots of his friends. We ended the day talking with daddy on the computer. I missed Josh so much that day. I hated that he missed his son's second birthday. We were so thankful for modern technology so Josh could still see Hunter and celebrate from a distance.

In July, Hunter & I went and visited Josh in South Carolina and then went to New Mexico to see my mom. This truly helped to break up the summer. I was so ready to be around family again. Then, my mom came to STL to be with me when I had my ultrasound to find out the baby's gender. It was so fun to celebrate with my mom the news that I was carrying a little girl!

In August, Hunter & I drove to South Carolina with our friend Angela. Finally, Josh's training came to an end. I got to see him graduate! One night we were there, I started bleeding. I was 25 weeks pregnant, still having morning sickness, and now the horrible fear of losing the child came back. We spent our 4th anniversary in the hospital on the Army base. The next night we had to go to Columbia for care that the base did not provide. I was placed on bedrest and that lasted the next 8 weeks.

In September, I was so thankful that Josh was able to be with us again, but being on bed rest was not the "welcome home" I had envisioned for him. Our fall semester had to be tweaked in order to handle me being placed on bed rest. Josh dropped a class and I only took one. Even though it was our lightest semester academically it still felt busier and at least as stressful as the rest.

In November, I finally started to feel a little better and the thought that I had almost made it to term with this little girl kept me going.

Finally, December 1 arrived. Adelyn Taylor was born with no complications at 7:57 a.m. I feel like December redeemed 2011. All the struggles of this pregnancy were made completely worth it when I was able to hold little Adelyn close to my body, knowing she was safe and healthy and finally here!

As I type all of this out I am realizing I have a hard time putting into words the comfort that has come from the Lord amidst all these struggles. At the beginning of the year I was certain he had forgotten me. But now, on Dec. 31, I have a completely different perspective on suffering. I am convinced that God is good, and that he cried right along side me this year as I grieved the loss of 2 children. This world is fallen, and even Christians are not exempt from the consequences of that. One day we will get to experience glory but that will not happen until Christ returns. Until then we must face the truth that this world is broken.

I have been reading a book called, "Where is God When it Hurts?" by Philip Yancey. He said, "Where is God when it hurts? He is in us--not in the things that hurt-- helping to transform bad into good. We can safely say that God can bring good out of evil; we cannot say that God brings about the evil in hopes of producing good."

I can testify that God has been near to me this year, revealing himself to me in spite of the pain and darkness. And in light of that, I can relate with this prayer, and I hope that God makes it true in me in 2012:

"I ask you neither for health nor for sickness, for life nor for death; but that you may dispose of my health and my sickness, my life and my death, for your glory... You alone know what is expedient for me; you are the sovereign master; do with me according to your will. Give to me, or take away from me, only conform my will to yours. I know but one thing, Lord, that it is good to follow you, and bad to offend you. Apart from that, I know not what is good or bad in anything. I know not which is most profitable to me, health or sickness, wealth or poverty, nor anything else in this world. That discernment is beyond the power of men or angels, and is hidden among the secrets of your Providence, which I adore, but do not seek to fathom."
--A prayer by Blaise Pascal

Adelyn, 1 week

2011-12-19T20:59:00.004-05:00

December 8, 2011

Bringing Adelyn Home

2011-12-18T23:00:00.009-05:00

We brought Adelyn home December 5, 2011. We left the hospital around 11:45 a.m. I had been there so long it took me a while to pack everything up!
Here we are preparing to leave the hospital:

Here she is in her car seat for the first time!

On our way home from the hospital with Hunter, we got Chick-Fil-A. We decided we needed to do this again with Adelyn! So with our chicken and fries in hand, we headed home with our beautiful baby girl. It was so much fun to come home to balloons and signs on our door!

Josh's birthday!

2011-12-18T17:06:00.008-05:00

We celebrated Josh's birthday last weekend! Since he had to go to Army Reserves Drill on his birthday, we decided to celebrate a little each night over 3 nights. Cyndie was in town and she helped me to decorate the apartment with banners and to make Josh a pumpkin pie. Josh requested Chinese food, which is his favorite. Hunter loves birthdays! He said, "Happy Birthday daddy!" so many times during this past week!

(Side note, we let Hunter have a small slice of pumpkin pie to celebrate daddy's birthday. He didn't finish it all so we put it in the fridge for him to have the next day. That next morning, Courtney was here helping me and she pulled Hunter's plate out of the fridge as she was looking for something else. From across the room, Hunter said, "Courtney that is my pumpkin pie. Do not eat it!")

We are thankful for you, Josh, and for all you do for our family. Happy, Happy Birthday!

Hunter Meets Adelyn

2011-12-13T22:25:00.006-05:00

I was so excited to introduce Hunter to baby Adelyn. When Adelyn was born, Hunter had a viral rash. We took him to the doctor and he said that Hunter should not be allowed to meet his sister for a few days, to ensure that he was not contagious. I was soooo bummed out. Introducing Hunter to his sister was such an anticipated moment for me. I prayed about it a lot and talked to Hunter about it a lot in the weeks leading up to Adelyn's delivery. I really wanted him to bond with her. So we didn't allow him to come meet her for a full 48 hours. My mom and her husband were here and they entertained him. He was having a great time, but I missed him a lot!

The morning he came in to meet Adelyn and to see me I was soooo excited! We had a little gift for Hunter from Adelyn and my mom helped Hunter to pick one out for Adelyn. It was all very special. Adelyn was crying a little bit when Hunter came in. Hunter turned to me and said, "Mommy, baby sister meow!" It was adorable.

He was very sweet with her and even gave her a kiss. I am so thankful that Hunter loves his sister. We are blessed!

Adelyn Taylor Hammans

2011-12-12T21:43:00.009-05:00

We are so excited to announce the birth of our daugther!

Adelyn Taylor Hammans
December 1, 2011
7:57 a.m.
7 lbs, 10 oz
20.5 inches

Adelyn was born via C-section and the entire procedure went very well. It was such a weird feeling to wake up Thursday morning knowing I was going to have a baby that day. Josh and I reported to the hospital at 5:30 a.m. in order to get registered and to get me started on the pain medicine.

Here we are on our way to the hospital

Everyone we dealt with was so friendly and helpful. I got my epidural a little bit after 7 a.m. and was wheeled into the operating room at 7:37 a.m. Dr. Jewell started the procedure around 7:45 and it went pretty quickly after that. I loved that I was able to be mentally present during the whole process. Dr. Jewell told me right before she was about to be born and they announced, "It's a girl!" a few seconds later. Within a minute they brought the sweet baby girl, still blue, around to me and put her right by my face. I was able to kiss her and touch her in her first minute of life!! That was not my experience with Hunter and so I didn't expect it at all. It was such a wonderful blessing!

The nurse then took my sweet baby over to the baby warmer to get cleaned up and weighed and examined. She was within a few feet of me and I was able to see her the whole time. Again, this was not my experience with Hunter and I just felt so blessed to watch her scream and wiggle around. For her first 2 minutes of life she was pretty blue. But she warmed up quite quickly and her skin became a beautiful color. She was angry for about 5 minutes, screaming her little lamby scream. She was absolutely perfect.

While I was in recovery, they allowed me to have my baby with me! I was so happy to get to hold her and love on her instead of recovering by myself like I did with Hunter. (theme: this is a better experience than my first delivery!!!) She immediately took to breastfeeding. Josh and I enjoyed these moments of holding our daughter, examining her features, discussing how she looked similar and different than Hunter, and praising God for this amazing new miracle in our lives. Within about an hour, the nurses and Josh took our sweet daughter up to the nursery for her first bath and to get examined by a doctor. After my recovery period, they wheeled me up to my hospital room on the seventh floor of the hospital. The nurse that took me to my room took me to the nursery first and allowed me to see my beautiful daughter through the window. She looked perfect. I so badly wanted to hold her!!! It took sweet Adelyn a while to get warmed up, so they kept her under the heater for about 2 hours. This was pure torture for me!!! ;) My mom and Josh both went and watched her through the window and reported back to me that she was doing well. And soon enough they brought her to my room.

During our 4 days at the hospital, Adelyn dropped to 6 lbs and 14 oz. The day we left the hospital, she was up to 6 lbs 15.8 oz, so I knew she was gaining weight again.

Going into the operating room, Josh and I were pretty certain her name was going to be Taylor Adelyn. We wanted to see her first before we made it official. As soon as I saw her I felt like Adelyn as a first name fit her better. A few hours later when Josh and I talked about it, he told me he had the exact same feeling when he saw her. We took that as confirmation that her name should be Adelyn!

Preparing for the C-Section

Meeting my daughter

Adelyn Taylor Hammans

Josh cutting the cord

Getting weighed! 7 lbs, 10 oz

Mommy, Daddy, and Adelyn

Our first night with our Daughter

2 kids

2011-12-06T22:32:00.002-05:00

Today was our first full day home with two children. That's right, little Adelyn was born! It has been so fun to welcome her into our family. Hunter has been phenomenal with her today. He loves her so much. Here are some of the highlights:

1. Hunter said, "Baby sister eating mommy's belly." That must be what breastfeeding looks like to a two year old.
2. I said, "Hunter, baby sister is too small to pillow fight you." This is after he put a pillow on top of her. (We also had to discuss not smashing baby.)
3. Anytime Hunter cannot see baby sister he gets a nervous look and asks lovingly, "baby seester?" He must know where she is at all times.
4. A friend brought us dinner tonight and she and I talked for a bit. I asked if she would like to hold Adelyn and of course she did! As I was handing Adelyn to her, Hunter panicked. He said "Baby sister hold mommy! My baby sister, MINE!" He is already showing signs of being a protective older brother!
5. Hunter came up to me and said, "Baby sister play with trains in her crib." He then walked Josh and I to Adelyn's room and showed us how he put all of his favorite trains in her bed so that she could play with them when she want to sleep. So sweet! But this led to another conversation about little babies and their safety.
6. This evening I wanted to get pictures of Hunter and Adelyn together, so I placed Adelyn on the floor on a blanket. Hunter came over and gave her a few kisses and then said, "Baby sister needs to be covered!" He then ran to his room and got his two special blankies. When he got back, he covered her up very gently and sweetly, making sure to not get it on her face. My heart absolutely melted.
7. I just asked Josh what his favorite memory of the day was. He said that it was when he was changing Adelyn's diaper this evening. Apparently as soon as he got it off she pooped again. And then he got a new diaper on her and immediately she did it again. Then as he was putting a new one on her she "shooted poo" in a direct line, like a "stinky goo gun." He thought it was sooo funny.
8. Josh also said that he loved watching Hunter continue to bring toys out for Adelyn, like a ball or a train, and then proceed to ask her to play. He always wanted to make sure she had something to do.
9. In the rare moments little Adelyn was awake today, I loved watching her soak in her surroundings. There is such wonder in those little eyes, as they try to focus on the things around them. She loves to look at the Christmas tree... I'm sure the lights keep her attention.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all easy. But overall, we are so impressed with Hunter's love and acceptance of his new sister. I hope his fascination with her lasts a long time. He is a precious little boy and this little girl is such a blessing to us.

We continually praise the Lord for the blessing of parenthood. I feel so unbelievably blessed.

zoo!

2011-10-30T16:06:00.003-04:00

Earlier this month we took Hunter to the Saint Louis Zoo. It is such a lovely place and it is free! Incredible. That morning, I asked Hunter what animals he wanted to see. He said, "Penguins, Alligators, Zebras." So cute! We had a great time as a family.

33-34-35

2011-10-30T08:11:00.004-04:00

30-31-32

2011-10-11T23:23:00.003-04:00

Baby girl-- I have not felt good most of this pregnancy and it is obvious when you look at these pictures of me. I know it is all worth it and I am looking forward to meeting you!

Before Bed with Hunter

2011-10-11T22:26:00.003-04:00

Here are a few precious moments before bedtime tonight. Hunter has been singing Jesus Loves Me all day today. We sort of got it on film. He also spells his name for us... in an interesting way!!!

Potty!

2011-10-05T21:36:00.006-04:00

Hunter went pee on his potty for the first time tonight! He had the biggest and best smile I have ever seen. All three of us were so proud! Let's hope this continues!!!

29 weeks pregnant!

2011-09-16T22:02:00.005-04:00

The lighting in these pictures is not great. But here I am in all my 29-weeks-pregnant-exhausted-not-feeling-so-great glory. Before seeing these pictures I thought I didn't really look pregnant yet. But these pictures tell a different story...

For comparison, here I am 2 1/2 years ago at 29 weeks pregnant with Hunter:

And Here is my adorable two year old today:

The other night when daddy got home from work Hunter thought it would be a good idea to cover him in stickers. So cute!

Haircuts

2011-08-31T21:58:00.006-04:00

Hunter has now had two haircuts in his short little life. It took over a year for him to even have a full head of hair! Now it grows like crazy (and is so adorable! Everyone comments on his curls everywhere we go).
Hunter's First Haircut, Dec. 26, 2010
His first haircut was in Carlsbad, New Mexico. My good friend from high school, Adrianne, was the stylist. She did a great job. He was a little concerned about what was going on but he did okay on my lap. His hair just needed a little trim so that it would grow out nicely.

His second haircut was when my mom came out to visit me this summer in July. He was such a big boy! He took his Tigger with him and he got to sit all on his own. Everyone at the beauty salon commented on his curls. The stylist gave him a sucker and he just kicked back and enjoyed the sugar rush. His hair turned out so cute! Hunter's Second Haircut, July 21, 2011

Big Boy Bed

2011-08-29T14:36:00.006-04:00

Hunter has now graduated to a big boy bed!

Helping Daddy put it together

His Grandma LaVonne got him a Thomas toddler bed a while back. Since Hunter has mastered crawling out of his crib, we knew it was time to give him his new bed. So far we have had no issues with him escaping at all! He loves this bed. It has multiple cubbies to store all his toys so when he wakes up in the morning he rolls over and starts playing. Works for us! ;)

Baby Hammans

2011-08-27T13:16:00.007-04:00

20 week ultrasound

We are expecting a new little bundle of joy in early December! We found out late March that we were expecting and we were cautiously excited from the beginning.

We found out on July 19 that our precious baby is a GIRL! :) We are so excited to add a little girl to our family.

Check out my little sister!
This was in the ultrasound room right after we found out!

16 weeks pregnant: (sorry this isn't the greatest pic-- it was a self take!)

25 weeks pregnant:

Chaplain's Banquet

2011-08-27T12:50:00.008-04:00

Josh completed 90 days of Chaplain Basic Officer Leadership Training this summer at Fort Jackson. It was a long summer, but he did so great! I was honored to be able to attend the Chaplain's banquet with him during his last week of training. Josh was in his element! I had such a great time meeting his new friends, hearing about his summer training and seeing more military traditions. We had a wonderful meal with classmates and enjoyed skits preformed by each platoon. Josh obviously made a name for himself during his training. Everyone I met told me stories about how Josh "saved" the class multiple times by giving an answer to the teachers before the class would be punished for not doing the assignments. One of the other platoons included him in their jokes, saying Josh must have made up about 50 words in his speech to the Ethics professor. It is clear that Josh had the respect of his classmates as well as the leadership.

Words cannot describe how proud I was of him that night. Josh's dreams are coming true. He was so comfortable with the military customs and he looked so refined in his suit. I am so glad I was able to go with him!

He knows his name!

2011-08-21T15:26:00.004-04:00

Hunter knows his name! Check out this video where he tells us his whole name, "Hunter Daniel Hammans."

He talks all the time now and learns new words daily. He can sing the entire alphabet now, but I have not been able to get it on video yet. That will come!

Some of my favorite Hunter-isms right now:
1. For elevator, he says "alligator."
2. He says, "mines." It makes since if you think about it. We say, "yours," "ours," etc. So he says, "mines."
3. He is still super affectionate and loves to give kisses--- one on each cheek!
4. He pretty much always has Lightening McQueen and Chick Hicks in his hands.
5. He loves all sorts of hide and seek. That is basically what he does all day either with us or with his toys.
6. He loves letters. He loves to shout out what letters he sees around him-- all the time!!
7. When saying "please" he always says "please thank you."
8. He LOVES having daddy around again!! It has been so fun to watch him enjoy daddy time!
9. I am pretty sure he has sensitive teeth. He likes ice cream but only if put directly on his tongue. And he is very sensitive to warm foods.
10. He has been asking to read the Bible lately and talk to God. The other night he said, "Thank you God for mommy." My heart melted! He is such a sweetheart!
Here Daddy is reading the Bible to Hunter:

Visiting Daddy!

2011-08-08T21:54:00.007-04:00

At the end of June, Hunter and I got on a plane to go visit daddy! It had been 5 weeks since we had seen him and we were both ready. I was nervous that Hunter would cling to me and not go to his daddy. But the second we saw Josh Hunter said "DADDY!" and ran to him! They began running around the airport chasing each other and picked up right where they left off. It was wonderful to be with him again!

We stayed with Josh in his room at the Fort Jackson Inn and enjoyed dinner with him every night. There was one day he had off while we were there and that day we took Hunter to the movie Cars 2 and a Water Park. Hunter still talks about the water park!

It was such a great break in our looooooong summer. Since we went to South Carolina Hunter has done much better with the separation. He has been much happier talking to Josh online and he regularly asks to see him.

Summer Girls Nites

2011-08-08T21:24:00.005-04:00

One of my highlights of this summer has been my Monday girls nights. Around 10-12 of my friends got together every Monday night to watch The Bachelorette together. It was so. much. fun. It is such a fun way to watch this ridiculous show. We were able to mock the show and mock ourselves for watching it. But we were devoted--we faithfully watched each episode.

We had a big finale party with lots of food-- my favorite of the night was this made by Jamie. It was chicken wrapped in bacon made to look like roses.

I am super thankful for these girls for giving me something to look forward to every week!!

Nap time?

2011-08-04T14:58:00.006-04:00

Hunter has learned a new skill: climbing out of his crib. Since Sunday night, every nap time and bedtime has been a fight to get him to stay in bed. I knew this day would come eventually. I have been so blessed by his excellent sleeping for the bulk of his life, so this week has been extra tough on me. I do not like disciplining him, but I know that consistency is key.

Today's nap time has already been a mini-war. I put him down and left him for about 15 minutes before going to check on him. When I walked in his room, this is what I found:

I don't even want to think about how he managed to climb up on his changing table. Scares me! But he managed to do it somehow and he had a grand time with the powder. After giving himself and his Thomas a "bath" (as he called it) in the powder, he decided to rub lotion all over his face and changing table. It was a disgusting mess. It was all over his pacifier, which he decided to taste, so it was all inside his mouth. I think that is what bothered him the most.

I cleaned it up as best I could and then needed to give him a bath-- which I hope didn't seem like a reward to him.

Oh, Hunter, you are such a two-year-old. Will you stay in bed this time?

10 days!

2011-08-03T18:49:00.003-04:00

We are so excited to go see Daddy and be done with this separation! Here is a video of Hunter counting down the days & explaining where his daddy has been. Hunter's vocabulary has increased so much this summer!

Skype with Daddy

2011-06-22T21:45:00.003-04:00

This video is guaranteed to make you smile all over! This was part of our Skype time with daddy tonight. Hunter is getting more used to talking to daddy this way.

Birthday Pictures!

2011-06-14T17:42:00.007-04:00

Good Morning Hunter! Happy Birthday!

Check out your presents!

Look at how hard you are concentrating!

Party Time!

So many kids! It was such a fun party!

The Ball Pit!

Ring Around the Rosie

Cupcake Time!

Happy Birthday To Hunter!!!

Playing with Anna

2

2011-06-14T17:14:00.003-04:00

Dear Hunter,
Your second birthday was such a fun day. When you woke up, I came in your room and sang happy birthday to you several times and you loved it! You quickly picked up on the phrase "happy birthday" and started to understand that the number two was somehow connected. I gave you a quick bath and then dressed you in your Thomas shirt for your birthday party. Then, we came out to the kitchen to have breakfast. Immediately you saw the birthday banners I had hanging up and you pointed and excitedly said, "Birthday!" I was so proud! As we ate breakfast, we talked to Grancie on Skype and you got to open a few presents from her. Every thing you got was completely fascinating to you. You spent lots of time examining everything. You loved opening the presents.

Because it was raining, we had to move your party to inside our apartment. So, mommy spent the next hour running around getting everything set up! When the time came for the party, you were thrilled. We had a ball pit that kids got to take turns playing in. We played Thomas the Tank Engine music. We gathered in circles and sang ring around the rosie. Then, we all sang you happy birthday! You looked a little confused when everyone was singing to you! Everyone ate cupcakes in the kitchen. You were adorable. Then, we had some more play time and eventually watched Thomas the Tank Engine. You got to open a few presents at the end of your party. You loved having your friends over and though at times you were a little overwhelmed, you really seemed to enjoy yourself.

I tried all day to teach you how to hold two fingers up on one hand, but it is very hard to learn how to have some fingers and down and some up. You can do it with help, but when you try on your own you get very frustrated. At your party, you were trying to figure out how to hold up two fingers and finally you just held up all your fingers and said, "five!" You were right, you do have five fingers! I am so glad you are not 5 yet, though! I am loving every minute and do not want you to grow up that fast!

After your party, Anna and her mommy stayed and had lunch with us. You really like Anna. You got in trouble for throwing a toy at her head, but you were so sweet when you apologized to her. You gave her a hug and then said, "Anna, play trucks?"

After your nap, we had lots of skype appointments! Everyone wanted to wish you a happy birthday. We talked to Nana first. She sang you happy birthday. You got to open some presents from her and by this time, you had learned the phrase, "open presents!" Next up was Uncle Josh. You enjoyed laughing at his funny faces and showing him all your toys. Somewhere in there we skyped for a minute with PaPaw and Grancie so they could sing you happy birthday.

Then we were able to skype with daddy. We told daddy all about your day and you got to open MORE presents! You were adorable as you learned to rip the wrapping paper and see what treasure was inside. Again, you examined every little thing and really tried to understand what it was. Daddy loved getting to see you and wishing you a happy birthday. He ate dinner with us and then we gave you an individual cake. Once we mentioned it to you, you could not stop screaming CAKE! So basically that is all you had for dinner. We decided that was okay because, after all, it was your birthday!

Hunter, so many people are thankful for you and love you. You were really celebrated on your birthday. I am so grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to be your mom. You are a huge blessing in my life and I love you more than I knew it was possible to love. You are my little lovebug buddy boy!

Happy Birthday to the sweetest little 2 year old boy I have ever met. I love you!
Love,
Mommy

South Carolina

2011-06-08T21:34:00.003-04:00

I am still alive! More posts to come later. Had to share this video tonite! ;)

22 months

2011-04-14T11:41:00.004-04:00

At 22 months, Hunter is constantly testing his independence and exploring everything around him. He loves to climb everything, play with blocks, and watch Bob or Thomas. His vocabulary grows by the day and he has even said a few sentences.

The most impressive sentence so far was at my cousin's wedding rehearsal. He said, "Which way to Papa?" in a very distressed manner because he was clearly not getting what he wanted from me or his Grancie. It was adorable.

This is how Hunter goes down the slide:
notice the stick:
Hunter loves to climb on the playground, and he has gotten really good at it:

Daddy Bear

2011-03-30T14:30:00.005-04:00

In preparation for Josh being away this summer, we took Hunter to Build-A-Bear to make a bear that could remind him of his daddy. We found an army uniform to dress the bear in and Josh was able to record his voice which we placed inside the bear. Hunter was still a little young to understand the process, but this bear will be cherished by both of us this summer!

botanical gardens

2011-03-24T00:12:00.004-04:00

We enjoyed a beautiful morning at Missouri Botanical Gardens. Wednesday mornings they let residents in free! Perfect Spring Break outing. A ton of our friends were there, which made it extra fun.

is it him or is it me?

2011-03-22T13:49:00.003-04:00

I just put Hunter down for his afternoon nap-- 15 minutes early and with very little lunch in his belly. After he threw his milk down on the floor three times, and threw multiple quesadillas, bread, and yogurt on the floor I gave him a one minute, very ineffective, timeout. I was at my boiling point. This is after taking him to Target, where we usually have lots of fun looking at things together. But today, he decided he did not want to sit in the cart. He somehow wiggled his way out of the strap and stood up in the seat while yelling "'get up! get up!" So, for the first time, I put him into the basket with his sippy of water and a few toys. I thought he could have fun playing in the basket. He thought it was punishment. He screamed and cried and got really angry at me.

I would love to let him walk beside me as we cruise through Target, but there is no way! He either runs his own direction or pulls everything off the shelves. Either way, I am not really shopping, I am wrangling a child who is so small yet can move so quickly. Not my idea of fun. In fact, it is testing my patience every step of the way. Today I am seriously questioning where my sweet little boy went and wondering if I will ever get him back.

He is too heavy to carry all the time, but it is one of the only ways to control his little body. He wants so badly to have independence, but he has no impulse control. Seriously. The kid has always been active, but this is a new level. His little body is able to do more and his mind is constantly wanting to know what is going on around him. Yesterday I took him to the mall play area, thinking it would be a fun outing and he could play in a different atmosphere. He is a sneaky little kid. Just when I thought he was starting to really enjoy the place, he would dart out and run through the mall, leaving me running after him desperately pleading with him to obey. He must have loved the scene it made and the attention he got, because this little song and dance repeated at least 10 times. I left there exhausted, angry, and seriously doubting my mothering skills.

My patience is worn thin and he is finding every hole. I am wondering if it is him that is acting crazy or if it is me. At the end of the day, it is probably both of us. He is entering a new developmental stage and I am still am still treating him as if he is in the old one. I, too, am entering a new stage of mothering. I need to learn to adapt to what he needs and grow in my patience. He needs more patience in how I approach disciplining him. But I also need to be patient with myself. I am still learning how to do this whole mothering thing. Hunter and I will have to learn together.

For now, I am going to enjoy a few minutes of a quiet house.

21 month pictures

2011-03-18T14:57:00.007-04:00

A few mornings ago I went to get Hunter out of bed and I found him like this:

No pants. And he had somehow pulled his shirt over his head so that the neck hole was in the middle of his back. Funny kid!

His hair is getting really curly:

He still loves bath time:

He is getting better at using a spoon for himself:

indoor picnic

2011-03-18T14:51:00.004-04:00

A few days ago it was absolutely beautiful outside. I wanted to soak up the sun so badly! So, during Hunter's nap I planned a picnic. I thought it would be fun to go to a local park and let Hunter run around while we enjoyed the long-awaited sun. By the time we got to the park, it was getting really windy and really cold. We let Hunter play for a bit before we packed everything up and decided to go home. I was really disappointed, but as we drove home we decided it could be an indoor picnic. So, we laid out our towel right on the living room floor, opened the windows, and had a picnic at home. It was so fun! Hunter loved it. I think we may have to do this more often!

21 months

2011-03-14T00:31:00.004-04:00

The day almost slipped passed me before I realized it: Hunter is 21 months old!

I love that I am getting to learn more about his personality everyday. The other night I said, "Hunter, you know a lot of words. How many words do you know?" He said, "Two!" HAHAHA! Had us rolling! He is able to say lots of words now so often is it easy to tell what is on his mind. For example:
--> When we get into the car, the first thing he says is, "Dance!" He loves to have the music blare and dance in his car seat. (wonder where he learned that?!?)
-->If we are about to go somewhere, he says, "Coat! Hat! Keys! Door!" as if telling me the order of what needs to happen in order for us to go somewhere.
-->He has just started telling me what to do when I put him down for a nap or at bedtime. He says, "Blanket. Paci. Thomas (his humidifier). Heater. Light." He has picked up on our patterns and now wants to make sure I don't forget any steps.

To mark his 21-month birthday, he showed definite signs of growing up. He started the day by unzipping his pajamas, taking off his diaper, and exploring its contents by smearing them all over his bed. As a result, he was rewarded with a bath, complete with bubbles, first thing this morning. (Not really sure that taught him not to play with poo, but oh well, the kid had to get clean!) At lunch time he willingly ate grapes, carrots, rice, apples, and chickpeas. WOW! Finally he is branching out from his constant bread & cheese routine! Hooray!

Everyday, Hunter asks to play his piano (pi-o). He loves music and he can really hear the beat quite well. He loves trains, Bob the Builder (which he calls "bob" or "fix"), and milk. He spends his free time reading, playing with blocks, going for walks, and playing with friends. He is such a joy and we feel so blessed to have him in our family!

Patrick

2011-03-07T23:00:00.002-05:00

Written Dec. 9, 2010
--------------------------------
Oh sweet baby
Growing inside of me
You are the answer to the prayer of my heart.
You are already loved!
I have hoped for you and I am so excited to meet you in a few months!
I hope you find my body a nice place to grow and get strong.
God has created you, dear one
And he has deemed it right for me to be your mommy.
What a huge blessing for me!
This world is beautifully tragic.
I cannot wait for you to come enjoy it.
We are praying for your development.
I love you so much, little one.

Written February 24, 2011
---------------------------------
Patrick

Saying Goodbye was not on my mind
That sunny Christmas afternoon.
You represented excitement and future plans
I already loved you so much.

As the doctor told us you were gone
The pain swelled in my heart.
Your presence in the world came and left
Far too quickly, but not without an impact.

Dear one, you were celebrated, longed for, and loved.
Your short life will not be forgotten.
My body was connected to yours from the beginning
And I will always miss you.

Now you get the gift of eternity
With the One who created you and knows all.
A perfect body, with the Perfect Lord
Your life is much more beautiful there than it would be here.

I am happy for that reality,
The gift of hope.
But I am sad I missed out knowing you.
My dear Patrick, I love you.
--Love, Mommy

pi-o!

2011-03-02T22:21:00.004-05:00

Hunter loves to play the piano-- which he calls the "pi-o!" This video is super long and pretty much just for the grandparents and serious Hunter-lovers! LaVonne & Paul got Josh this keyboard and Hunter loves it.

Valentine's Day

2011-02-18T22:00:00.004-05:00

Amidst the three-and-a-half weeks of sickness our family has suffered, Hunter and I managed to make some Valentine's Day cards for our families and friends! ( Josh didn't get to help this year because he was called into the Army Reserves.) We did this last year and decided it was a good tradition.
Hunter is currently going through a phase where he does not like his hands to be messy. If there is the tiniest crumb on his finger he will hold out his hand and say, "yuck, yuck" or simply whine until someone takes a wipe and cleans off his hand. It is semi-rediculous. So with the paint, at first he wasn't too sure he wanted his hand covered in slime, but within a few minutes he decided it was really cool that he could leave marks everywhere he touched. He was still sort of hesitant, so that made it a little easier to manage.
I enjoy this tradition with Hunter, and I am happy to say that his handprints turned out slightly better this year!

20 months

2011-02-13T15:06:00.005-05:00

(I asked Hunter to smile for me and he made this goofy face and then did a little dance. Wish I would have had the recorder on... it was really cute!)

Hunter is 20 months old today! He is busier than ever and always entertaining us with his clever personality. He loves cars and trains-- he calls them"choo choos"-- right now and those are the most common words out of his mouth. He also enjoys blocks-- he calls them "bocks," his tunnel-- he calls it his "tatoo" (yea that is so funny!), and books. Books about choo choos or cars are priorities.

He loves graham crackers, goldfish, bread, milk, peanut butter, mac n'cheese, honey, and cookies. It is hard to get him to eat anything else! We have been successful with some pasta that has cheese and he usually likes pizza. The doctor told me not to worry-- kids his age need lots of carbs. He is getting carbs, that is for sure! :)

He recovered from his ear tube surgery quite well. He still tests his ears a lot-- like when we are talking to him or he is listening to music he will cover his ears and then uncover them many times. It seems like he is testing how well he can hear. I'm sure it is like a whole new world now that the fluid is gone! As far as sickness, he has been fighting a cold the past week and a half. RSV is going around campus so it may be that. Today his lungs sound awful when he breathes. I am just praying it almost over!

Hunter loves to dance and he has learned how to turn on the CD player in our dining room. He is not supposed to do it, but often when he does he just smiles and says, "dance, dance." He loves to watch Thomas the tank engine and again, he has learned how to operate the DVD player and the TV.

We have started brushing his teeth every night and he actually loves it. He gets really excited when I tell him it is time to brush his teeth. I hope this lasts for a while! He still loves bath time. And he has been showing an interest in the potty the last week or so. One of his new favorite words is "poop." When he says it, we ask, "do you need to go to the bathroom?" Usually he says yes. Then we take him to his potty. He has never actually gone to the bathroom on his potty--yet-- but we think this is at least getting him familiar to it. He is a smart kid. I'm sure it won't be long!

Nana?

2011-02-04T17:18:00.006-05:00

Hunter's grandparents came to visit!! Hunter seems to be calling LaVonne something like "nana." We'll see if that sticks!

They made Hunter some wooden blocks that have Thomas all over them. They are a big hit in this house.

Thanks for coming to visit us!

Icephoon 2011

2011-02-01T13:18:00.007-05:00

This storm has been much anticipated and it is finally upon us. We are currently under a blizzard warning until noon tomorrow. So far we have seen a lot of ice and it is just starting to transition to snow. Our school closed down yesterday afternoon and everything is cancelled for today.

We slept in until 9--- yes, 9!! Hunter was the first to wake up! Now we are preparing for the worst case scenario-- to be without power. We are cooking a lot this morning, finishing laundry, and we are heating our house a few extra degrees. We don't know if we'll be without power for sure, but we want to be prepared! This afternoon we plan to get together with some friends on campus and play games while we wait out the storm.

Here are some pictures from our apartment this morning. Check out the ice on the tree limbs. It is so beautiful.

This pine tree is right outside our window. The ice hangs on it so gracefully.

We are thankful for Covenant's Snow Plow. He faithfully comes by every half hour or so.

Surgery: Conquered!

2011-01-30T14:28:00.005-05:00

Thanks for the prayers, well-wishes, and thoughts for Hunter. His surgery went really well.

We arrived at Children's Hospital just a few minutes after 6 a.m. and found our way to the 6th floor, Same Day Surgery. There were a few people there before us, but it was relatively quiet at this hour. We got Hunter checked in. The front desk had small windows surrounding it that were lit and held a bunch of blocks. Hunter absolutely loved looking at the blocks and was in great spirits.

After we got him checked in, we waited a few minutes in the lobby where there was a large aquarium and several toys that Hunter enjoyed. He kept saying "fishes, fishes, fishes!" It was really cute. At least Hunter wasn't nervous. I was nervous enough for both of us! The hospital gave us a DVD to watch called, "Amanda's surgery adventure" a few days before, and I had talked with Hunter about his procedure and shown him the DVD. I am not sure how much he comprehended, but I am glad I showed it to him. At least he had seen the rooms and the tools that were to be used on him before. It helped me to know what to expect!

Very soon we were called back into room 36 where Hunter's temperature, blood pressure, height and weight were all recorded. We went over his history briefly with the nurse and she was very helpful in answering any questions we had. Then an anesthesiologist nurse came in and went over Hunter's history more in depth. She showed Hunter the mask and then took him for a walk down the hall to see how he would do being separated from us. He was his normal, social, happy-self as he met all the nurses down the hall. Our nurse was pleased to see how well he did and said she wasn't worried about him. After that, Hunter's surgical nurse came in and brought Hunter several stickers and started to get to know him a little. We put a sticker of "Mr. Incredible" from The Incredibles on Hunter's pjs. He really loves stickers.

His surgical nurse and one other nurse then carried Hunter down the hall and into his surgery room. Hunter very happily went with them as Josh & I watched with fear. We were left alone in the room and both of us did not like thinking about Hunter going under the anesthesia. We prayed together and talked and tried to not let our fears get the best of us. In about 15 or 20 minutes, the doctor came in saying everything went really well. He said Hunter had fluid behind both ears that quickly came out after the procedure. He told us to wait for the phone in our room to ring and at that point they would tell us where Hunter's recovery room was. Very quickly after that we were called and we went to room 14 where Hunter was just waking up.

He was limp and angry when I picked him up. I was so happy to see him and hold him! Very shortly he started asking for apple juice again. He drank a full cup and asked for more, then the nurse gave him graham crackers. He was in sugar heaven! :) We only had to wait here for about 30 minutes to make sure Hunter recovered well and then we were able to go home! He was still fussy but loved being cuddled. When we got home, we borrowed the movie The Incredibles from our neighbors and we all cuddled on the couch for a little while. Before the movie was even over Hunter was feeling back to himself.

The process really was amazing. Children's Hospital is so well organized and intentional in how the treated us and Hunter. We are really hopeful that these ear tubes will help him to feel better and not get sick as often!!

The next day, we took Hunter to Bass Pro Shops to look at their giant aquarium. He loved that. When we got home, we were greeted with a beautiful cookie bouquet from Hunter's Great Aunt Pam & Uncle Don and their kids' families. What a fun treat! He LOVES cookies (thanks to his PaPaw Glen!).

Ear Tubes

2011-01-27T14:41:00.004-05:00

Please pray for Hunter. He is having a minor surgery tomorrow morning to get ear tubes placed into his ears.

I am absolutely amazed at the size of the tube. It is so much smaller than I expected! It is just wide enough to make a small hole in the ear drum and just long enough to ensure what is behind the eardrum is able to exit the ear. This picture shows the size of the tube relative to a penny. It is tiny, people.
Seeing the tube eased my fears a little as well as made me appreciate the skill of the surgeon who must navigate incredibly small places to do his job. Please pray for our doctor, that he would be able to preform this surgery quickly and that it would be "routine."

We are hopeful this process will help Hunter not only to stop having infections as often, but also that it will help him to hear and understand better which will ultimately contribute to his verbal ability. Hunter is talking a lot and seems to understand us quite well. However, his hearing test on Tuesday showed he has partial hearing loss. We are hopeful that with this procedure his hearing will be restored!

Hope in Tragedy

2011-01-23T15:06:00.003-05:00

Where is your hope in tragedy?

I listened to an awesome sermon this morning online, since several events precluded me and Hunter from attending church. Last week, Josh & I were working in the nursery and we missed the sermon. So I listened to last week's sermon entitled, "Unexpected Death and Unimaginable Comfort." Our pastor has been going through a series on death and it has been quite timely for our family.

As most of you know, we suffered a miscarriage on Christmas Day. Our sweet baby came into our lives and left way too soon. It has been rough to say goodbye so quickly to our child. We have decided to name him Patrick-- Josh & I both felt he was a boy, though we don't know that for sure. Josh & I were engaged on St. Patrick's Day in 2007 and we both love the story of St. Patrick.

I find great comfort knowing Patrick is with God and that he has a perfect body in Heaven. This is not how God intended the world to be. We look forward to glory where there will be no more suffering, no more tears, no more death and we will get to be with God for all of eternity. Though I am sad I never met my dear son I am so happy for him to have escaped the pains of this Earth. Now he gets to stand face-to-face with God.

So back to this sermon. Chris outlined the stages of grief and described why it is good to grieve. And then he talked about the hope we have as Christians as we grieve. I want to invite anyone who has suffered a loss of any kind in their lives to listen to this sermon. I found great comfort in hearing that it is normal to grieve and healthy, even. And my heart longs for heaven all the more after hearing the description of glory that is to come.

Here is a link to the sermon.

I know not everyone has the time to listen to a whole sermon, so here are the notes I took:
1. We must dwell on the stunning promise and dramatic implications of immortality
II Corinthians 4:7-12
We have the treasure in jars of clay: a clay pot with diamonds, rubies, emeralds inside the clay pot.
We are mortals. We are prone to cracking, and eventually we will return to the dust from which we came.
We will all contend with death.

2. We must embrace the utter necessity and profound propriety of grief
I Thessalonians 4:13
Grieve-- you have to grieve. You must grieve. It is not an option.
Each person who is grieving in a healthy way is going to pass through all the stages of grief:
1. shock & denial
2. pain & guilt
3. bargaining: often with God
4. loneliness & depression (realization that life is not going to be the same) --> sometimes this takes a while
5. Reconstruction
6. Acceptance and hope --> reaching the "new" normal. It will never be the same, but it is a new normal.

--> process can take days or months or years. Every person deals with it differently.
We need to understand this is a natural process. We need to walk with people through every phase, not jump to the end.
--> we have to let people grieve.
BUT we must not grieve as though we have no hope.
--> HOPE in what? Not just hope that things will be better tomorrow. Not just hope that we will forget. Hope that is placed in someone. Hope that is grounded in a future beyond what we can even see in this life.
--> Even though death is painful and hard and fills us with grief, there is hope of a future glory.

3. We must cling to the awesome promise of eternal glory.
II Corinthians 4:16-18
The things that are unseen are eternal. This world that we live in is not a myth. This world is real, the pain is real.
--> the very struggle we are facing now is preparing us step-by-step to ponder more profoundly the weight of glory that awaits us.
--> The pain is real, but when you get to heaven it will seem like an instant!
--> gaze upon that which is unseen: our soul and the reunion of our soul with our body "eternal weight of glory."
--> what gives us significance?
--> our comfort in spite of our profound loss comes from knowing the faithful love of our savior, Jesus Christ.

Where is your hope in tragedy?
There is reality of sin, the fall, death in this world. This reality is transformed by the promises of eternal life.

Pajama Party

2011-01-20T17:04:00.003-05:00

STL got about 8 inches of snow overnight last night. Josh was called in to work at 6:30 a.m. to shovel the snow on campus. But after he finished he was given the rest of the day off! We have enjoyed hot apple cider, the movie Cars with Hunter, and Starbucks pastries from the nice girls that live below us!!!

Hunter loved the movie. For at least the first 20 minutes he just kept saying, "Car, Car, Car." Adorable!

Hunter on a Plane!

2011-01-20T16:40:00.005-05:00

We flew to New Mexico for Christmas this year. In Hunter's 18 months of life he has flown three times already. The first time was when I flew to my friend Aimee's wedding when Hunter was 6 months old. I held him in the bjorn through the airport and he did great on the plan cuddling me and nursing during take off and landing. The second time was just a few days before his first birthday. All three of us flew to San Antonio, Texas to attend a family reunion. This time the three of us flew to Lubbock, Texas where my mom picked us up and took us the rest of the way to New Mexico.
Every time we prepare to fly, I get stressed out that it is going to be hard to keep Hunter happy, or that it will hurt his ears, or that I won't be able to carry everything through the airport. But every time Hunter has done wonderful. This was by far the best, though. We flew southwest and ended up having three seats to ourselves the whole flight there, even though technically Hunter was supposed to be on one of our laps. I guess the flight wasn't completely full, and who wants to be the poor soul forced to sit in the aisle with an 18 month old? So, yay for us, we had more room than we thought.

Our flight took off at 6 a.m. so that meant we had to wake Hunter up at 4 a.m. Check out his sleepy eyes:Our flight back we had the third seat for most of the trip, but not all of it.

STL Snow

2011-01-19T14:43:00.003-05:00

I got Photoshop for Christmas! YAY! I am having such a wonderful time editing photos and learning how to use Photoshop!! It is an excellent program. Here are some of my pictures from last week when it snowed here.

19 months old!

2011-01-13T13:14:00.004-05:00

Hunter is 19 months old today! He shocked us all yesterday by weighing in at 27 lbs! That means he has gained 2 and 1/2 lbs in the past month. WOW! It is such a relief to know he is gaining weight again. He is 33 inches tall, meaning 1/2 in growth this month.

Hunter is learning new things everyday. He is excellent at mimicking sounds and so his vocabulary is growing by the minute. Most of the time when he is asking for something or showing us something he sticks to one-syllable, usually the first syllable of the word. He can say words that have multiple syllables, but when it comes to using them he usually just says one. So funny.

His favorite toys are blocks, books, and colors. He is pretty good at entertaining himself for a little while now, which is why I am able to write this post! ;) He loves to know how things work and press buttons. He whistles a lot now. What a skill! He loves anything musical and he continually impresses me with his rhythm. He LOVES anything and everything Thomas.

3 Stories from the past week:
1. Today we were getting on an elevator in my school library and he pointed to the buttons and said, in his typical mono-syllable form, “butt, butt, butt.” He was so excited to recognize the buttons and know how to refer to them that the utter shock and horror on my face probably really confused him.

2. The other night at the dinner table we were going around asking Hunter to name all of us. “Daddy!” he said proudly when I pointed to Josh. “Mommy Mommy” he said when Josh pointed to me. Then I said, “What is your name?” He got very serious and said, “Choo choo!”

3. Hunter has been so affectionate recently. He gives hugs throughout the day and now he has gotten really good at giving kisses, too. When I ask him for kisses he presses his lips to my cheek and then turns my head and presses his lips to my other cheek. He goes back and forth about 4 times. We aren’t sure where he learned the European style of kissing, but it is so cute!!!

Hunter's new word

2011-01-02T14:08:00.002-05:00

Hello my long neglected Blog. I have missed you. Look for more updates soon, but for today, here is a video of my adorable baby boy. His vocabulary is growing by the minute.

17 months old!

2010-11-15T17:54:00.005-05:00

Hunter is 17 months old! He has been sick for the past week with an ear infection. The only good to side to that was that we were able to get him weighed at the doctor's office. He has gained weight! At this appointment, he weighed 23 lbs and 5 oz. That is much better! Hopefully he will keep gaining! :)
He loves graham crackers, yogurt, apple sauce, milk, and his antibiotic (ha!--guess they make those things super sweet).

Hunter has 10 teeth completely through and four that are half way. He has another 2 or 3 that are right at the surface but have not cut yet. Whew... that is a lot of teething!
He talks a lot-- a lot of gibberish but has more words that are clear lately. He can say:
Watch
Dog
Bear
Go
Woah
Yuck
Ball
Ouch
Good to go (good to go to go to go)
bath
apple juice (ahhhh juuuuu)
Duck
Cookie
Choo Choo
Cracker (caaacaar)
Car
Shoes
Up
More
God (Gahhhhhh)
and my personal favorite: diaper (he says Bop-per and it is the cutest thing I have ever heard!)

Today I did my workout after he was awake. I set up the living room with all his toys and set up the gate so he would have to stay in there with me. He was too cute. There is one part of the workout where I do squats and then lift weights over my head. The girl on the video says, "down, up, down, up." Hunter watched really intently and then started bending his legs and then standing up while saying "up!" He did this over and over with me... looks like I have a new workout buddy!! :)

Cute Stories

2010-11-09T21:22:00.003-05:00

One early morning about a month ago, I woke up to Hunter screaming. Not just his normal morning cry. It sounded like he was in pain. I flew to his room and in my groggy state I saw nothing out of the ordinary, so I figured he just wanted to cuddle. So I brought him to bed with me. For a few minutes, he was very happy cuddling, but then he got worked up again. Now I knew something was wrong. I looked him over and realized his thumb was STUCK in his hair.

Hunter has an adorable habit of twirling his hair around his fingers to soothe himself. I guess he twisted and curled so much that his thumb got stuck this time. By the time I figured what was wrong, his thumb was a bluish-purplish color. Josh and I freaked out and then grabbed scissors. I tried to cut as little of his hair as possible to free his thumb.

You would think that would teach him, but no.... this has happened two more times since then. Once I had to cut a bigger chunk of hair and the second time I was able to work it free with no cutting.
___________________________

We have been teaching Hunter a few of the catechism questions. The first one is: Q: Who made you? A: God. He picked up on this very quickly, but for the first few days his answer was something that sounded similar to "CaaaaCaaaaa." Oops. Now he says, "Gaaaaaaaa." Both adorable, but the second one sounds much better!!!
___________________________

Hunter drops his food A LOT during his meal times. He thinks it is sooo funny. We are trying to teach him that this is not appropriate, but in the mean time we are cleaning the floor a lot! More than once now, as Hunter has been playing, he will walk over and grab a tissue and then walk to the floor by his high chair and rub the carpet with the tissue. It took me a while to figure out what he was doing, but his daddy got it right away: he has seen us clean the floor so many times he thinks it is something he should do, too!

Roaring and Coloring

2010-11-04T23:46:00.005-04:00

So today Hunter and I colored together while listening to the Wicked soundtrack. We had so much fun! I had to film him... he is beginning to understand how to make lines with the crayons instead of just dots. It is adorable. Plus, he likes Wicked.

I edited the video from today with one from a few days ago where he learned how to "roar."

Enjoy!!!

16 months

2010-10-31T15:16:00.005-04:00

At 16 months, Hunter walks more steadily, mimics verbal sounds more, and is BUSIER than ever! He is so much fun, and quite the handful! He weighs the exact same as at 15 months (22 lbs, 9 oz) but seems taller. He is such a fun baby! :)

Perfecting Ourselves to Death

2010-10-21T15:58:00.002-04:00

We have all seen people we would label “perfectionist,” and in fact most people have the tendency toward it. Our culture feeds our desire and deep inside we tend to believe it is possible. Perfect appearance, perfect thoughts, perfect achievements and a perfect household elude us in this life, yet the pressure remains to seek them anyway. Dr. Richard Winter has done an incredible job of analyzing the issue as well as discussing the way our culture--both secular and within the church-- perpetuate the problem. Winter discusses genetic tendencies, relational modeling, pressure from authority figures, and internal fears that create and motivate perfectionism. There are many dangerous results of this pattern of thinking such as depression, eating disorders, and anxiety. Dr. Winter describes the problems and then discusses the pride and the shame that tend to drive people to be driven perfectionists or defeated perfectionists.

Right at the point the reader may feel that it is hopeless to overcome this pervasive issue, Winter describes the importance of knowing yourself in order to grow. “When someone begins loosening the grip of unhealthy perfectionism they must have a strong and reliable sense of identity and purpose, built on a foundation of reality and truth, that will allow them to grow toward a healthy pursuit of excellence,” (p. 147). At this point, I expected to find a series of personality tests and examples of how to learn about oneself. Thankfully, Winter took the healing deeper by delving into the Gospel in order to understand oneself. He did this very carefully. “What really matters is what God thinks of us. We have a given or derived identity--not an identity that we create for ourselves,” (p. 153). Winter goes on to describe the tension of being created in God’s image yet living in a fallen world. We can finally stop the race to perfection by resting in the perfect acceptance of God. “This is finally our greatest comfort; Christ has us in his grip, and somehow he will complete the task of making us perfect and bringing us to glory,” (p. 175). Christ is the ultimate answer to our perfectionism.

The way Winter turns the book to focus on Christ makes this a unique source for Christians. Winter has a medical background and fully diagnoses the issue from a mental health standpoint. He does not give the Gospel message as an easy answer for the issue, but rather as a true hope for those who long to change. The point is emphasized that we will not ever attain perfection on this Earth. In God’s definition, perfection is a “Christlike character” (p. 169) and this is what he is growing us toward. We are able to change and Christ takes us down that path toward healing. The process is slow, over time, which may frustrate the perfectionist who wants “the goal achieved immediately or not at all,” (p. 78). God calls us to trust him and rely on him.

The Healing Path

2010-10-05T21:24:00.002-04:00

The Healing Path by Dan Allender is the best book I have ever read. In an honest manner, Allender addresses the abiding questions of the heart regarding living in a fallen world. He does not sugar coat the reality of pain and struggle as humans walk this Earth, but he gives a perspective that is rich and provides more hope than is usually offered in self-help books. Allender takes the reader down a path that invites deep reflection on his past in order to learn to truly dream for his future. On this journey, hope, faith, and love replace the guilt, shame and doubt that have taken up residence in the human heart. Allender’s understanding of humanity fuels deep exposure of both the sinful ways people deal with their pain, and the effects of evil inflicted upon them. After walking the reader though how to get on the healing path, Allender then teaches how to bring this healing to others. He gives great, simple advice on how to engage others with hope and love, gently pursuing them in the midst of their stories. Throughout all of this, Allender shines a light upon the goodness of God, even in the desert, that is based upon God’s desire to have relationship with his people.
A lot of Christians seem to believe that trusting God means letting go of past pain and pressing on toward God, pretending everything is good. The general thought is what has passed is gone and the only thing we have power to change is the future. To this Allender says, “Many Christians seek to escape the hard task of facing damage; they want change without an honest look at life. The result is not only an incomplete redemption, but worse, a shallow grip of grace,” (p. 108). This poignant phrase, “shallow grip of grace,” unfortunately defines much of the Christianity in America. We believe that following God will bring a sort of euphoria to our lives. We are afraid to press into pain. In reality, “...redemption touches us more deeply than tragedy. But without tragedy, there could be no redemption,” (p. 128). God takes us into the desert and then mercifully woos us there (p. 138). “No matter how we have acquired our wounds, we all need the good news of the healing power of redemption: Evil meant our suffering for our destruction, but God meant it for our good,” (p. 6).
This is a radical, counter-cultural perspective that Allender is promoting. He argues that regardless of whether or not we are acknowledging it, everyone acts out of their past. “Everything hinges on the past. We will project the past into every new moment and either repeat our past themes of victimization or marvel at the work of God in redeeming us in spite of our questions and doubt,” (p. 147). When I think about it, I really agree with Allender. The aspects of my past that I desire to hide from are actually pivoting points around which my life revolves. I self-protect to ensure those topics are never addressed. The past so governs my present that I am robbed of true hope, true dreaming of a better future, and true relationships. I cannot grow if I am this committed to comfort (p. 149).
“We must so hunger for a different tomorrow that we risk losing today to gain it,” (p. 149). Hope will grow as we commit to honestly working through our past. When we are satisfied with how life is going, we do not risk. God uses the pain and sorrow in our lives to invite us to struggle with Him. The desert then becomes a place of seeing God afresh and in new ways. Our hearts an be opened to his gentle calling through the change to our soul that comes from struggle and pain. Instead of repeating the same cycles of pointlessness in our lives, God calls us to examine what is going on in our hearts and change the direction of our lives. True hope “invests in the present with the teeming, brimming abundance that is our promise of glory not only in heaven but now,” (p. 157). Hope is not a denial of the past, but an acceptance of both the struggles and the evil that have been interwoven into our stories.
By asking, “Which stories will win my heart?” (p. 131) we can come to see pain for what it is and choose to allow God to shape and form us through it. We can begin to be governed by stories of redemption instead of sorrow. We are able to open our hearts to the possibility of hopes and dreams. This will open us up to live in true community with others. Working through our pain with God will lead us into a deeper relationship with him than we ever thought possible. We are able to have a sense of joy that is based upon God rather than something we ourselves can muster. “Joy is not an absence of struggle or sorrow, but the taste of the presence of God as he surprises us with his gracious love, whatever our circumstances,” (p. 184).

what sickness?

2010-10-04T18:00:00.002-04:00

I like to think of myself as pretty level-headed. I bet some of you are laughing right now. But seriously, I have come a long way being less "high strung." At least I think so.

Until I find myself in a doctors office with Hunter screaming and the doctor asking all kinds of questions. At that moment, I lose all control of my mind and lots of fear and total irrationality come to life. I cannot think clearly and my ability to answer simple questions goes out the window. It is not that I am irrational about Hunter's illness, but I just cannot think & I want my baby to be well so badly I find my mind cloudy and confusing!

I have had this experience a lot. Ever since Hunter was 4 months old and diagnosed with a Urinary Tract Infection, it seems our lives have been full of doctors visits and urine samples. Every time the poor kid gets a fever and starts acting clingy, I get so nervous. Is this another UTI? Since the main symptoms are frequent and painful urination it is really hard to know. Hunter cannot tell us it hurts and since he is in a diaper I cannot tell if he went 4 little times or 1 big time. So I am forced to just watch his temperature and check for any blood in his diaper.

Today, he had blood in his diaper. I was really angry to see it there again. We seriously just took him to the doctor 2 weeks ago. And when I saw it, I knew my planned afternoon of studying was going to be spent in the doctors office instead. I mean, the doctors are probably going to tell us it is nothing, but we can't NOT go... we have to make sure he is okay and the reflux is not doing any damage to his kidneys.

So off to the doctor we went. We put the bag on him and he did not pee, so we had to put another one on him. He did not want to drink his water and playing in the sink was not helping him to go either. So Josh bought a sprite and fanta. Yep, we gave our son soda... at the doctors office. While I am not proud of this, it did work. An hour and a half later, we finally got him to pee.

And just shortly after that we were assured by the doctor that there was no blood and no sign of infection in this pee. GREAT.

So once again the doctors are telling us Hunter has a virus. Seems every 2 weeks the kid has a virus. Today I asked the doc about what we can do... he said until Hunter is able to talk and is potty trained, we have to just keep bringing him in if he shows signs of UTI.

Looks like this is just part of being a mom for now.

the life of a 15-month-old

2010-09-21T18:44:00.010-04:00

15 months

2010-09-14T23:17:00.005-04:00

Little Man is growing up so fast!!! This has been a big month for Hunter developmentally. At 15 months:

Weight: 22 lbs, 9 ounces
Height: 31.5 inches
Head: 47.4 cm

Hunter is so active. He hardly ever stops moving unless he is asleep. With his new ability to walk, he is enjoying being more independent than ever. This means nothing, and I mean nothing, is safe around Hunter! He can now climb on the couch, reach more bookshelves, reach my bread basket and other items in the kitchen, and move so fast that he requires constant attention. He is a very curious little boy and he loves to explore everything around him. He loves to play peek-a-boo.

He understands and does the motion associated with: "Give me a baby hug!" "Say goodbye!" "How big is Hunter?" "Let's go take a bath!" "Show me your duck (bathtub toy)!" and "Ask for more!" He can nod his head yes now. But more often, we see him shake his head no. He has become a much more picky eater, but it seems like that is more because he doesn't really have time to eat anymore. Sitting still for that long is just not.his.thing. He is loving the playground lately, especially when he can climb up the slide. He is almost strong enough to do it himself, but not quite. He still likes to swing but for much shorter time periods. Again, that keeps him waaaay too couped up!

He is still very sweet and loving. He still cuddles me in the mornings. It is a much shorter time now but I take whatever I can get! I know that sweet time isn't going to last forever. He loves to play with my hair.

He loves books, anything small he can grip tightly while on the move, and his toy car that he likes to ride on. His favorite foods are bananas and toast. He loves milk and apple juice, too. He still likes bath time, but much less than he used to. He now helps to put away the toys at the end of the bath.

We love him so much and learn something new from him all the time. We are so blessed to be his parents!!!

Oh, and it is near impossible to get pictures of him actually looking at the camera. He is far too busy to stop and look!

Taking off

2010-09-07T12:53:00.003-04:00

So in the past week Hunter has gone from taking a few steps in a row to full speed ahead all the time. Whew! This little boy is determined and stubborn. He wants to go where he will and he will not give up until the mission is accomplished. I am so happy for him and so proud. My heart swells with pride to see my little man put one foot in front of the other. A little piece of me is sad, though. My little boy needs me a little less now. He certainly wants me a little less, too. I know he still needs me plenty but he is becoming more independent every day. The pride I have for him as well as the sadness I have over how fast he is growing up brought tears to my eyes today. What a privilege it is to be a mom.

Hunter is also teaching me things. Hunter falls down a lot. A lot a lot. But he never lets it stop him from going where he wants to go. He usually doesn't think twice about getting right back up and plowing ahead. Oh to have that attitude! I feel so encouraged from watching his determination to not give up. Even when things are hard and I fall down, I want to get back up.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

2010-09-06T15:36:00.003-04:00

Scazzero pushes Christians out of their comfort zones through this book. He opens the book with an example out of his own life where he was not living honestly. He chose to deny his feelings for the sake of someone else and as a result his family was neglected. He used this example to show the importance of being honest and having priorities for oneself. But how can we have priorities without knowing ourselves?
One of the best aspects of the book is that it pushes you out of hiding and into authenticity about who you really are. Christians today struggle with feeling they must deny themselves in order to love other people well, just like the example at the beginning of the book. Scazzero does an excellent job of highlighting the importance of owning your feelings. “One of the greatest obstacles in knowing God is our own lack of self-knowledge,” writes Scazzero. This fear of knowing ourselves stunts our growth in Christ because it is like turning our backs on reality (p.73).
Why are we afraid of knowing ourselves? Scazzero offers many suggestions for this question. Our culture tends to believe that if we ignore something or do not think about it, it somehow goes away. Many Christians think that if they do not think about something in their past whether it be a mistake made in high school or disappointments from childhood that the event or feeling will not have an impact on their lives. “Unhealed wounds open us up to habitual sin against God and others,” (p. 109). We consciously and unconsciously live out of the fear that particular event causes us. Scazzero invites his readers to make diagrams of their families called genograms that help to understand family patterns, the blessings and sins of our families, and understanding what role we play in our families. Genograms help people to the see the early messages we took in from our families and how they “influence our present relationships and behaviors as well as our self-esteem” (p. 97). Understanding our past is a huge step in becoming emotional healthy.
Although this sounds enticing for many people, most people do not know how to slow down long enough to do the work. Analyzing our feelings and understanding our pasts does not come easily. We must learn to stop over-scheduling, hiding from our feelings, and denying our true selves. Scazzero suggests that a weekly Sabbath to rest is necessary to slow down our pace and help us to reflect upon God and ourselves. Stopping many times throughout the day is helpful, too, to evaluate feelings and learn to name them and begin to work through them. Slowing down our pace is essential to learning how to live emotionally healthy lives.
As we begin to slow down and really look at our emotions, God will call us to press into the pain and fear. One of my favorite quotes in the book is this: “The heart of Christianity is that the way to life is through death, the pathway of resurrection is through crucifixion” (p. 140). It is not easy to grow into emotional maturity, but it is good for our souls. God will not leave us or forsake us in the process.

Hunter's Last Bottle

2010-09-04T21:52:00.003-04:00

Hunter is officially done with the bottle now. We gave him his last one Wednesday morning and he hasn't seemed to miss it. These are pictures of his last bottle, along with mommy morning cuddle time.

He's a walkin'

2010-09-01T12:46:00.004-04:00

This isn't the greatest video ever, but Hunter is WALKING! He is such a big boy!!!! He started walking multiple steps in a row late last week. This weekend he got super brave and now he walks a lot! He still crawls when he wants to go fast, but walking is becoming more normal.

Jewel

2010-08-29T15:39:00.002-04:00

I feel on the verge of discovering beautiful jewels.
Jewels that are more precious than anything on this Earth.
Jewels that would provide refuge & serenity in a world filled with dirt.
Jewels that are buried ~ yet meant to be found.
Jewels that I am made for ~ created just for me.
Jewels that I am meant to share
The jewels are worth the work
and work you must in order to gain them.
They are easily covered by responsibilities, busyness, laziness, forgetfulness
and worst of all: The Enemy.
He tries to snatch them away or bury them further
and even whispers to me that I am not worthy.
His subtle lies invade and paint beauty over in gray.
But Oh, just a small view of the radiant jewel
shows me the lies are simply not true.
One little glimmer provides hours of hope.
What would it be like to hold one?
What would it be like to own one?
These jewels are God-given and for his children.
The journey to gain them is part of the gift.

Happy 3 years, Joshua!

2010-08-26T23:31:00.009-04:00

This post is a little overdue... Josh & I celebrated 3 years of marriage last week! It was amazing: neither of us had to study, neither of us had to work, neither of us had any responsibilities at all that day! So we got up early and went to get coffee together. Then we took a long drive through the rolling hills of Missouri. We drove through the Missouri Weinstrasse, a 2 lane highway through the Missouri River Valley. We went to Augusta Winery, Mt. Pleasant Winery, and Montelle Winery.

At Montelle, we did the tasting and then bought lunch and sat on a huge deck overlooking a beautiful countryside. We enjoyed the view and good conversation and introduced Hunter to bar-b-que pizza.

Then we drove back toward home and stopped at Barnes & Noble. We bought Hunter the cutest little book about the alphabet. A friend introduced me to this author and he is my new favorite children's author.

After we got Hunter put to bed, a friend of ours came over and did his studying here so that we could go out for a nice evening alone. It was so nice of him. Josh & I went to the Chocolate Bar---AMAZING! We had planned on going to a movie but we got caught up in conversation and ended up talking until past 11. Since we both had to work the next morning, we decided to not go to the movies. But the night was perfect. It was so nice to relax and enjoy each other.

goodbye summer

2010-08-25T23:59:00.003-04:00

Goodbye Summer,
You sure went by fast.

Today is our last day of summer. We seized the day! I got up and made the family pancakes & eggs which we enjoyed with blueberries. Then we went to the Botanical Gardens and had a nice stroll through the park. Waterfalls, pretty flowers, and a nice summer breeze all had a calming affect on me. After that we came home, ate a quick (small) lunch and all rested. I did a few chores this afternoon to get my house ready for the semester (ya know, when am I going to have time to dust everything in my house again? Probably December!). I even cleaned out and organized my closet. That is first time my closet has been organized since I moved in to this apartment... oh that is just shameful to admit! I have organized & reorganized Hunter's closet at least three times, but never got around to doing mine until today! Hopefully it will stay organized through the semester... we'll see?!?!

This evening I made a pizza with Trader Joe's pizza dough. I topped it with pineapple, spinach, and tomato. It was tasty!!!! We had that with broccoli. After dinner we took Hunter out to the playground and had a wonderful time on the swings. Hunter has mastered what my parent's called the "four-wheel drive crawl" where you crawl with your hands and feet. He does this now on any surface that is too hard on his knees like asphalt or on the wood chips at the playground. It is sooo funny! Hopefully soon he will decide that walking is better than that weird crawl! But for now, he is a fast little guy on his hands and feet! He was soooo determined to crawl UP the slide. And he did (with a little help from mommy) and he was very proud of himself!

Summer has been quite eventful... I completed 6 hours and Josh completed 3. Josh was able to work a lot & we had some fun family time. We got to spend time with family & enjoy seeing my brother get married. We had some fun visitors including family. We got more adjusted to St. Louis life. We aren't sure we feel rested enough to be starting a new semester. Sorta feels like summer was a blur.

But now it is time for semester two. I will be taking 9 hours and Josh will be taking 15. Josh will be working 10 hours on campus per week & drilling 1 weekend per month. We are very excited to see what God has in store for us this semester. I feel very privileged to be here at Covenant. I am nervous about starting my program tomorrow, but also very excited.

Hello Fall,
Please be kind to us!

14 months

2010-08-17T01:21:00.009-04:00

Hunter is now 14 months old. Busy as ever, he has become my little explorer. Anything he can see he wants his hands on right NOW. He loves to shut doors and he can tip toe up to grab the door handles now. He does not have the strength to open them, of course, but he understands that is how the doors open and close. Hunter has also become fascinated with our trash can that has a lid that opens and closes. Gross. He loves to play hide-and-seek. He thinks it is soooo funny to hide and then suddenly show himself! Hunter has always loved music, but now he loves to dance to music. Any music, even just a little clip on a commercial or something, and he will start wiggling and shaking his body.

"Buddy," "What's That?" and "Buh bye" are his new words and he says them all. the. time. He still crawls mostly, but he does stand for extended periods of time now. I am still not used to seeing him vertical... he looks so much like a little boy now instead of a baby. He loves stuffed animals, especially his Baylor Bear (sic 'em!). At bedtime he loves to read books with me and we usually have to read 3 books before he is satisfied. I love that he loves books!

He is still around 22 lbs. His gums are very swollen, but we have yet to see any of the molars pop through yet.

Hunter is very close to weaned off the bottle. There are some days where he has very little out of a bottle, but other days he still wants it. Since he is teething, we have been letting him guide us. I still get my morning cuddle time! He is transitioning to one nap after lunch. So far it is working really well.

Super affectionate, curious, and adorable, Hunter fills our lives with much joy. Josh & I are constantly saying "oh that was so cute!" about something Hunter does. He is an absolute blast. We love the little lovebug!!!

100th post!!!

2010-08-14T14:53:00.007-04:00

This is my 100th post to my blog... just 2 days before my 1 year blog-iversary! 100 blogs in a year... and what a great year it has been. As I was thinking about writing my 100th post, I went back and looked through my archives. Hunter is obviously the star of this blog! He was my inspiration to starting this blog and he certainly provides enough material for me to always have an idea to blog about.
ME, 1 year ago with the baby:

Our lives have grown and changed so much in the past year and I am really glad I started this blog. There are so many things I would have forgotten were it not for this blog like exactly how much Hunter weighed at each doctors appointment or when he started sleeping through the night. I have been able to blog about my journey of motherhood, and coming to realize what it means to be a mom. I am able to go back and remember my thoughts as Hunter struggled with a UTI and his urinary tract reflux. Plus I am able to remember the great feeling of stopping his meds. And who could forget our crazy road trip across the nation as we prepared to move to Missouri! I got some great photos of that trip. I can quickly recall the first day of seminary and even remember what books I have read. I was able to share with Josh's parents (and the rest of the blogger world) Josh's Commissioning. Fun Date Nights have been recorded as well as fun family outings. My little Baylee girl will always be remembered. Plus several other details of our past year are neatly organized and accessible.

This blog has been excellent not only for me, but also for family that live far away from us. I know the grandparents enjoy seeing photos and reading about Hunter. I love that I have so much information saved from this past year. Though I wasn't sure how committed of a blogger I would be, I have proven that I can do this!

ME now, with the family!
Cheers to 100 posts.

In light of reaching 100 posts, I have a request for my readership: I absolutely love hearing from you! Please, feel free to comment, ask questions, tell me my blog was dumb or awesome, or anything! Just comment so I know you are out there!

Curls!

2010-08-08T12:38:00.007-04:00

Baby has got curls! I have been compiling these pictures for a while now... I absolutely love Hunter's hair! It has been growing like crazy the past few weeks. The curls are perfect little ringlets... makes a girl jealous! His hair is still reddish blonde!

Dressed by Daddy

2010-08-07T12:02:00.007-04:00

Yesterday I was so sick it was hard for me to stand up. I had a pounding headache and chills mixed with hot flashes. It was clear very early in the morning that I was not going to be able to watch Hunter and the little girl, Evie, I usually watch in the mornings. So Josh took off work and said he would take care of the babies.

I fell back asleep and when I woke up, this is what I found:

So cute huh? Leave it to a daddy to dress his son in his swim shirt (SPF 50) and sweat pants. Ha! When I asked Josh why he chose this outfit he said he thought the shirt looked soft and breathable and the pants looked comfortable. Cracks me up.

Here Josh was giving each of the babies kisses from the giraffe:
I am so thankful that Josh was able to help me. I was very blessed by my husband yesterday! And I am feeling better today. Not great, but better!

summer reading

2010-07-31T21:37:00.005-04:00

When I haven't been traveling or taking care of a sick child this summer, I have filled my time with a lot of reading. I took 2 courses for a total of 6 credit hours. For these two classes I was assigned 11 books to read and parts of 2 others. Woah! Talk about overwhelming! Surprisingly, I have really enjoyed most all of the reading.

My favorite is between Through His Eyes by Jerram Barrs or The Bible and the Future by Anthony Hoekema. The first is about what the Bible says about women and how God views them. It was written by the professor of one of the class and is a good summary of what we learned. Each chapter has study questions so this book would be perfect for a Bible study either for individuals or a small group.

The Hoekema book is about eschatology, which means the doctrine about what is going to happen at the end of time. I have really enjoyed learning the theology of the kingdom of God and what happens to people when they die. It is very technical, so it takes time to dig through, but it is worth it. I recommend this to anyone who has questions about these topics and is willing to think deeply.
Though it has been a lot to manage and balance, I am really thankful that I am able to learn so much. It is fun to talk to Josh about what I am learning. I feel so blessed to be at this school. God has provided a lot for both of us to be able to be in grad school.

the toughest thing

2010-07-29T23:08:00.003-04:00

So much has changed in my life since I found out I was pregnant. Everything from sleeping to how I structure my days now rotates around someone other than myself. I find myself talking about poop, different styles of sleep training, and the benefits of weaning from the bottle. I think about cloth diapers, healthy diets, and how to make sure Hunter gets enough play time with other children.

But the toughest, most emotional thing I have had to face is the reality that my precious little boy gets sick. It breaks my heart every time. I get so worried! We have had quite a difficult month with Hunter's health. Shortly after his first birthday, he all of a sudden had a low grade fever and a rash. I took him to the doctor. Since he has a history of UTIs, we had to make sure it wasn't that.... thankfully, it wasn't. We decided he must just have a little virus.

His rash never really went away after that. There were days that were better than others, but eventually it got to the point that it was always there, no matter what I did. The cloth diapers didn't seem to make a difference. Since he was having a little fever again, I took him back to the doctor last week. She checked his urine and again found nothing wrong, so she prescribed a cream for his rash. The very next day, his rash spread everywhere his diaper touched and his fever shot up. And when I changed his diaper, there was red in it. Red. Looked like blood to me. That is how we found out he had a UTI when he was 4 months old. I freaked out and thankfully Josh was able to come home from work and go to the doctor with me. Once again, she could find nothing in his urine or nothing that she thought we should treat him for. We left the doctor with no answers and a lot of questions. I was very frustrated and a little scared.

At this appointment, the doctor also found a small lump at the base of Hunter's neck. Right on his collar bone is a hard bump that is moveable, yet always there. She said we needed to get this tested. Unfortunately, we had to wait a week to get the appointment. All last week we were nursing Hunter's rash and watching his temperature. His rash started to go away and by Monday night it looked like it was completely gone. I kept putting the cream on it since the doctor said to do it 4 times a day for 2 weeks. But honestly, it was gone.

Fast forward to Wednesday. Hunter wakes up with diarrhea and the rash is back in full swing. By the afternoon he had developed a low grade fever again. I called the doctor's office and they said Hunter needed to come in right away. So once again we headed back to the doctor. Once again we left with no answers.

Today we took Hunter for his ultrasound and x ray of the bump on his chest. St. Louis Children's Hospital is fantastic. The staff are so friendly, the appointments are nicely organized and everything went smoothly. We were in and out of there in less than an hour. Hunter still had his fever all day today and was especially cuddly. He hardly wanted to be let down at all today---which is so not like him. But he did great during the ultrasound and x rays. I was very proud of him.

So now I am just waiting. Waiting to hear the results of these tests and waiting to see how Hunter is going to feel in the morning. It is so hard to watch your child be sick and even harder to not have the answers. There are many things it could be: there is a bug going around campus, so Hunter could have that. He was on antibiotics for 5 months, so his body could still be recovering from that. He could have a food allergy, but those don't usually cause fevers. His urinary tract reflux could be causing his body issues. He could have an infection. This lump on his chest could be something or it could be nothing.

I hate not knowing. I hate watching him suffer. This is by far the hardest thing about being a parent. At least it is the hardest thing I have faced so far.

baseball!!!

2010-07-26T12:51:00.010-04:00

Thanks to Groupon, we were able to get 1/2 price tickets to a Cardinals game! And Hunter got to go with us! While I do not want to raise a Cardinals fan, I DO want to raise a baseball fan. So I figured I need to start early!

I absolutely love baseball and I love being at the stadium. There is nothing like a baseball stadium on a summer afternoon! Hunter was great. It was pretty hot, but thankfully we were in the shade and they were giving away ice. Hunter loved eating the ice and we would rub it on his legs and arms if he started to look too hot.

One of the highlights for me was singing "Take me out to the ballgame" during the seventh inning stretch with the whole crowd and watching Hunter's little eyes light up. We sing that all the time at home, and now he can say he has heard it *live*.

Josh & I have a thing about the number 17. We met on the 17th, we got engaged on the 17th, and we were married on the 17th. It is crazy how often this number comes up in our life... and once again, it did! I had seat #17.

a new idea....

2010-07-18T22:50:00.006-04:00

So this weekend Josh & I did something I never thought we would do: we bought cloth diapers. These aren't just any cloth diapers, though. They are Bum Genius 3.0 cloth diapers-- the closest you can get to a disposable-type diaper that is actually washable.

A friend of mine, Rachel, sent me an email a few weeks ago with information about a giant sale on cloth diapers happening here in St. Louis. She cloth diapers her son using these diapers. At first I thought there is no way I would do that... but the more I thought about it, the more reasons to try it kept coming to mind.

First of all, they were on sale for $1 each. Yep, $1. These suckers sell for $18-$24 brand new... the sale was for "well-loved" (used) cloth diapers. Secondly, Hunter has had a rash for about a week and half now that doesn't seem to be going away. Lots of research suggests that using cloth diapers reduces diaper rash. I would like to see if that is true for Hunter. Thirdly, who wouldn't want a $0 diaper bill every month? Fourth, it is better for the environment.

So Josh & I talked over all those options and decided that for $1 we better go to the sale and check it out. We got there about 40 minutes before the store opened and the line was already around the building and through the parking lot. We got in line and it wasn't long until it wrapped around the other side of the parking lot. The entire time in line I was feeling very hesitant and nervous-- I was intimidated by all the super-moms who are hardcore about cloth diapering-- especially since I had never done it before. I learned a lot in line about the products and styles, methods for washing and drying, and how to pick out good ones in the sale.

About 3 hours later, we got to the $1 tables. There were piles and piles of "well-loved" $1 diapers. Each person was only allowed 25. So Josh & I both picked out big piles of ones we thought were good and then went and sat on the floor to examine them more closely. I felt overwhelmed again, because there were so many good ones! How were we ever going to decide which ones weren't good?

Hunter was at his limit by this point, since we were an hour past his nap. He did great in line, though, even through the heat. So we made our decisions and left with a new plan in mind.

Tonight, we finally had them all washed, cleaned, dried and ready to stuff.
And Hunter is sleeping in his very first cloth diaper as I type. I will have to report tomorrow as to whether or not it worked!

13 months

2010-07-16T11:43:00.002-04:00

Hunter is 13 months old now! He is making huge developmental steps everyday. Last night he learned how to walk across the living room with his push toy. He was going so fast!!!! Here is a video of Hunter at play.

As you can see, he is super active. He is always going. He loves to crawl with an item in each hand. He loves to hide his toys and then find them-- under a blanket, in his barn, in his toy truck, anywhere really. He goes back and forth between these hiding spots placing his toys in and then taking them out. He also really like peek-a-boo right now. He plays it all the time!

He is very affectionate and as you can see from the video he loves to give his bears love. It melts my heart every time! He is down to 2 bottles a day, in the morning and evening. During the day he drinks whole milk from a sippy cup. He is such a big boy! He loves to eat toast, cheese, bananas, carrots, cheerios, yogurt, and apple juice. He still loves his bath time and has learned how to make the water come from the showerhead. It makes him giggle! He has 8 teeth and his bottom molars look like they are going to come through any second. He still takes 2 naps a day, but one of them is less than an hour. The first one is usually 2 hours. I still enjoy my morning cuddle time with Hunter for about 15 minutes every morning. It is my favorite time of the day. After that-- he is far too busy to cuddle!!!

We love our little boy!!!

1 year old

2010-06-28T22:56:00.011-04:00

Decorations in our living room:My baby is one. ONE! His birthday was a great day full of fun. He woke up early and refused naps all day... guess he wanted to soak up every bit of his day! He had two baths, 1 giant cupcake, several presents, and lots of love. We sang to him all day. We had a party for him with some of our friends here in St. Louis that afternoon. The kids blew bubbles and everyone ate cupcakes the size of their heads.
First thing in the morning:
First present he opened: Thomas the Tank Engine!

Opening presents:
Our little family:
The birthday boy:

Cupcakes are yummy:

The day after his birthday he had his 1-year-old well check. He had to get 3 shots and his blood taken. Here is a picture from when we got home. He was NOT happy. Notice all the band aids!
Hunter's 1 year old stats:
Weight: 21 lbs 7 ounces
Height: 30 inches
Head circumference: 47 cm

Happy Father's Day Josh!

2010-06-23T23:32:00.004-04:00

This was Josh's 2nd Father's Day! We have been so stressed out the past few weeks with so much going on, but we were able to go out to eat as a family at HuHot and then walk around Barnes & Noble, one of Josh's favorite places. Josh said it was nice to have some time to relax.

He is a wonderful Daddy and you can tell in these pictures how much Hunter loves him. I love him, too! :)

6.13.09 vs. 6.13.10

2010-06-13T21:24:00.003-04:00

Today one year ago started off with me finally giving in and saying YES to an epidural. I asked for it and within 15 minutes the anesthesiologist was there and had his work done. At this point I had progressed to a 6. I was excited but still a little angry that was as far as I had progressed after a full days worth of work. I got the epidural at 2 a.m. and within 30 minutes I was able to sleep-- deep, real sleep for the first time since Wednesday night.

They woke me up around 5:30, I think, to check my progress. I felt so much better after having some rest but I was unable to feel my left leg AT ALL. I had limited feeling in my right leg. It was a weird sensation but in comparison to what I would have been feeling, it was like heaven! They said I was a 10 and ready to push. WOAH. Talk about a crazy wake up call. "Okay now it is time to have a baby!" I didn't expect that. I guess part of me had lost hope after how long the day before had been. By 6 a.m. I was pushing with the nurse. It took me a while to get the hang of it since I couldn't feel anything. They had to tell me each time a contraction was coming. Shortly after I started pushing, my epidural FELL OUT of my back.. seriously, I was starting to feel the pain more and asked if they had turned off my meds... they quickly realized the needle had fallen out! They had the anesthesiologist come back to fix it. Then Hunter's heart rate started to go crazy. It was way too low in between contractions and way too high during them. The nurses were shoving oxygen on my face in between every push... It was so stressful and I was so scared. I had no time to take a break at all. I would push and then have to deep breathe so Hunter could get oxygen. This still wasn't working, so they used the vacuum on Hunter to try to help him out. One try. Two tries. Three tries. Four tries. None successful. At this point they were VERY CONCERNED about Hunter's health. The doctor came to me with papers to sign saying that I needed to have a C-section and that they needed to get me in there fast.

By 8:10 I was in the operating room getting set up. Josh was able to come in with me and stand by my head. They didn't allow either one of us to see anything. It was so cold and I was soooo thirsty. I hadn't been allowed to drink anything all morning. I remember shivering all over-- I think it was a side effect of the medicine as well as me being so nervous. Josh held my arm (since both my hands were strapped down with medical gear) and was comforting. All we could do now was wait.

Then, we heard the cry. I knew my baby was alive and in the world! He was born at 8:22 a.m. The rushed him off to a side room and I could see the doctors, but not the baby. They did all their checks on him and said he looked healthy. Then they allowed Josh to go meet him. Oh, the jealousy! Serious, serious jealousy! They did let me see Hunter before they took him to the nursery... I couldn't touch him yet, but I saw his beautiful face. They fixed me up and then took me to a recovery room where I had to be monitored for about 45 minutes. I was dying of thirst. I thought my tongue was going to fall out of my dry mouth. The nurse wouldn't let me have anything at all. About 30 minutes into it, my doula snuck me a piece of ice and that was sooooo awesome.

I was still really out of it when they wheeled me back to my room. I couldn't feel anything below my chest. FINALLY Josh brought Hunter to me. I was finally able to greet my son and hold him and feed him.

He was so precious. Such distinct features! His little face was so huggable and he was so tiny he just fit right on one arm. He was very sleepy and cuddly. Oh I immediately loved him!!!
_________________________________________________________________

Today Hunter woke up at 3 a.m. Josh thinks he was having a bad dream because he called out "DA DA" and when Josh went in there he was trying to get out of the back of his crib, which is the part facing the wall. He was all turned around. We tried everything to comfort him and finally at about 4 we gave up and brought him into our bed. He tossed and turned and pulled my hair... But no resting!

We decided since it was his birthday and he loves baths so much that we would give him 2 baths, so we ran one early for him. He had so much fun. Then we let him explore his presents and open one before we left for church. During church he fell asleep in my arms for about 20 minutes. Then he was up and ready to go again! We put him in his crib for his normal nap and he would have none of that! After about an hour of him talking to himself, we got him up and let him crawl around. Then we opened presents. He got a little tikes piano, maracas, and an alphabet bus. He also got a card with money from his great grandpa Ray and a stuffed animal turtle from great grandpa Jack and greatnana Bev.

We had a cupcake party for him with neighbors and friends at Covenant. It was so special to celebrate him with people we have met here. He devoured his cupcake and loved every bit of it!!!

I feel so grateful that we have been parents to Hunter for a whole year now! What a blessing it is to love that little guy! He has changed me for the better. I told him tonight that I am a better person because of him.

6.12.09 vs. 6.12.10

2010-06-12T12:16:00.003-04:00

I woke up a year ago today really early-- maybe around 4. I was feeling contractions but they weren't painful. They were uncomfortable and causing great excitement for me... hoping that my baby would come more naturally rather than the required pitocin and other induction treatments. Josh had set up an air mattress next to my hospital bed and was still fast asleep. These moments were so precious to me. I prayed a lot about my labor, my son, and my soon to be family of 3. The emotions were thick within me, ranging from excitement to fear.

I was not allowed to eat breakfast, but the sweet nurses did bring me ginger ale as they started me on my IV fluids. They offered to allow me to take a quick shower, but I felt certain my labor would not take long so I declined. Biggest mistake I made of the day! By about 8 a.m. I was having contractions on my own, but they were not consistent and they were definitely not painful. Just uncomfortable. Around then, my doctor came to check on me and seeing that I had made no progress she determined it was time to start pitocin. I was quite saddened and a wave of anger came over me again. I really wanted to have as natural a birth as possible. Hunter's heart rate and movements were still showing great health. But Dr. Talraja, who was now on call for the weekend, determined that the risks were too high to allow me to just continue naturally. I think the pitocin started around 9:30ish.

I was still quite hopeful at this point that my natural labor would continue to progress on its own and the pitocin would simply be a jump start. I refused all medicine to dull or stop the pain as I was hopeful that feeling the labor would help my body to progress. By 10 a.m. the contractions were getting stronger, so I called my doula and told her it was time for her to come.

Josh started laboring with me. At this point I still wouldn't call it painful, but uncomfortable. I really liked sitting on the birthing ball and Josh was kind enough to rub my lower back when I started feeling the contraction coming on. I tried squatting and other positions to help lower the baby all with the hopes of my body going more naturally. When my doula got there, she helped with positions and gave Josh a break to go eat and to get a shower. Since my pain was still minimal and I had not progressed AT ALL, I was comfortable with this decision. Amara was great in keeping me calm and she held my hands through the contractions that were now getting a little stronger.

I kept the Ginger Ale on constant order and the nurses were kind enough to comply with my requests. By noon, the contractions were getting STRONG. I remember feeling comfortable only in the rocking chair and squeezing Josh's hands so tight with every contraction. I don't remember exactly when I was checked, but sometime around this time I had gone to a 2. Not great progress, but it was something. Considering I hadn't had too much pain, I was excited. For many hours after this I fought strong contractions by sitting in the rocker. I was experiencing contractions that lasted for about a minute and would have about 30 seconds in between. It was intense. Though they were strong and I definitely struggled to breathe during them, I still wasn't feeling overwhelming pain. It was tiring but "do able." This continued for many, many hours. My time line gets blurry at this point since I was not really focused on the time. I know at some point the doctor came in to check me and I wasn't too much further along. She broke my water and at that point I knew there was no turning back. Around 6ish she came back and said I was at a 3. This made me want to cry. I had been working sooo hard for the bulk of the day, convinced that I must be near transition. One of the side effects of pitocin is stronger contractions. Since the doctors still experienced me as a pleasant patient, they assumed I must not be feeling the contractions enough. They had the pitocin on as high as it would go for mannnnnny hours. My usually smile-y self was deceptive! Some time that evening they decided maybe they were pumping me too full of pitocin and they turned it way down. They hoped this would help my body to naturally catch up. I was so thankful for the little rest. This didn't stop my contractions, but did provide a little bit more time between them.
Sometime that evening, when the doctor checked me and said I was still at a 3, I gave in. I was so tired and quite angry that was all I had progressed to, so I asked for something to numb the pain. I think this was around 9 or 10 p.m. They gave me nubain, a drug that takes the edge off. I could still feel the contractions but they weren't as strong. I actually feel asleep between them. While I was laying in bed with this medicine, I decided I would take a 2nd dose. Each dose would last 1 hour and you were only allowed to have 2. I thought the 2nd dose would give me enough energy to make it through. But by the time the 2nd dose wore off, I knew I didn't have enough energy to make it through. I asked for an epidural.

I got the epidural at 2 a.m....

_______________________________

Today I have spent the morning at a coffee shop reading about the Holy Spirit. I am taking a class called Spirit, Church, and Last things. I have been reading about how the Holy Spirit seals us in God and provides us assurance of God's salvation on our lives. We are born again into the salvation that Christ purchased for us at the cross.

"The metaphor of birth itself implies not only a radical new beginning, but one which is never autonomous."

This quote really struck me, especially in light of my recalling Hunter's birth. It was a radical new beginning, a new life being brought into the world. And he couldn't have done it alone! I was very much present and working hard for this new life. And Josh was working hard, too (in a different way, of course!).

The same new beginning is offered to us in the Spirit. "As flesh, man gives birth only to more flesh. He cannot give birth to spirit, or to what is spiritual." I gave birth to my son in the physical sense, but he, just like every other man, needs a second birth. "If we are to belong to the kingdom, or family, of the Spirit, we must be 'born from above' by the Spirit."

Today, as I look back on the process of my son entering the world, I also look forward to his second birth into the Spirit of God. Both births are important and necessary for salvation. I feel so privileged to have spent the day a year ago praying for his entry into the world. Today I have been praying for his entry into God's kingdom. I pray that Hunter never knows a day where he didn't know the Lord. I hope God calls him at such an early age that he feels he has known the Lord all the days of his life. I ask that God's seal of the Holy Spirit would come over my son, even today, to mark him as the Lord's forever.

What a privilege it is to be a mom. What an honor and responsibility it is to pray for and be a part of both births in a person's life. I feel completely blessed for both today and today a year ago. Though painful a year ago, and though requiring much faith and trust for his second birth today, God is close to me in both instances. What an awesome God we serve!!!!

6.11.09 vs. 6.11.10

2010-06-11T22:22:00.004-04:00

One year ago today I had an ultrasound and non-stress test appointment. I was officially 6 days overdue and the doctors just wanted to make sure everything looked good with the baby (who was still nameless at this point).

The non-stress test went very well-- he was obviously very active. We really struggled keeping the heart rate monitor on him because he was moving so much! It was evident from this test that the baby was doing fine. During the ultrasound, the technician became very quiet and it was clear to me that something was not right. She wouldn't show me the baby's face and she quickly took the picture off the screen. She said, "The picture is showing some things that I think I need to show Dr. Talraja." Off she went and thus started my tears flowing.

The OB/GYN office I chose had 5 doctors on a team working together so each time I would go in I would see a different doctor with the knowledge that whatever day I go into labor it could be any of the 5 doctors on call. Dr. Talraja was my least favorite in the practice mostly because of her formal, non-personal style of dealing with me as her patient. When she came in to check my ultrasound, she had a completely different demeanor. She was gentle and soothing in her voice, she rubbed my arm, and had sincere care in her eyes. Though this would usually be comforting, it only made me MORE concerned about my baby.

She told me that the fluid around the baby was "cloudy" and that could be a sign of either fetal bleeding or meconium. She didn't suspect that it was blood because of how much movement the baby was doing during the non-stress test. So she was fairly certain it was meconium, or the baby's first bowel movement. This is very dangerous for the baby to start breathing in while in the womb. She also said that the baby had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. These two issues led her to the conclusion that I needed to go to the hospital ASAP. I told her I was not comfortable being induced and that I would rather wait until my labor started naturally. At this point she became very serious and said that if I choose to forego her medical advice by not going immediately to the hospital, I needed to sign papers saying that I am no longer under the care of my OB/GYN. Of course I couldn't do that!

I was so scared and also somewhat MAD that I had to be induced. This was not part of my birth plan!!! So Josh & I went home, even though we weren't supposed to, and packed our bags. I figured an extra 30 minutes wouldn't matter that much, plus I needed the time to calm down. I was sobbing and so scared. This is not how I pictured going into labor! We walked into the hospital, and the thought that went through my mind was that when I leave here I will be holding my baby. It took a while to get processed, but by 6 p.m. my induction had officially begun. I spent that night watching movies & hanging out with Josh and I tried to sleep a little, since there was little to no pain at this point.

__________________________________________

Today we took Hunter to Toys R Us to shop for presents for his 1st birthday. We went up and down the aisles looking at the toys and showing them to him. This was the first time Josh & I had shopped for toys for our precious little boy. Talk about FUN! We had such a grand time. We put Hunter on the ground and showed him some of the toys to see how he would interact with them. I had the best time watching his little eyes light up and then seeing his huge smile. He would go from toy to toy trying it out, banging on it, and turning it over. It was clear there were a few that were his favorites and those are the ones we got for him. We also went to Costco today to buy cupcakes & drinks for his birthday celebration.

Both of these days show great preparation and anticipation of his day of birth. But I much prefer today over last year. Toys and food vs. doctors and needles. Yea, that is a no-brainer. Plus the joy of getting to hold my baby and see his precious face is much better than the anticipation!

27!

2010-06-07T22:20:00.006-04:00

I am 27! :)

This was my first birthday with my wonderful baby boy... You know I'm not sure if it is because it was a non-exciting number or if it is because my birthday seems so non-important in light of Hunter's 1st birthday, but I was really laid back. I enjoyed waking up with my whole family and having birthday cake for breakfast! Then I got to spend the whole day with my two boys, and even though it was in airports and on planes, I really enjoyed it. I even got free birthday tiramisu at the Macaroni Grill in the airport.

Vacation

2010-06-07T22:10:00.002-04:00

We have had a CRAZY couple of weeks since the Spring semester ended...

As soon as Josh finished his last final, we all jumped in the car and drove North to the Wisconsin Dells. Josh's family all gathered to enjoy time together and to celebrate Alyce's graduation from her Master's program. We ate wonderful food, went to a winery, took a boat ride down the Wisconsin River, ate at a Cajun Restaurant and at an Irish Pub. We had a wonderful time hanging out with everyone. We were able to celebrate Hunter's 1st birthday with all the family, too. It was a great time.

We came home in time for Josh to get his hours in the maintenance department. Then we were off again!

We took a flight South to San Antonio to meet my family and celebrate lots of family events. My brother just graduated from his Master's Program and my cousin just became a nurse. Both of them are engaged, so we celebrated the newest family members. We were able to celebrate Hunter's birthday with all of them, too! Then I got to wake up and have birthday breakfast with everyone including chocolate cake & homemade ice cream!!! It was a great trip that also included boat rides, a trip to a winery with all the ladies, and a nice float down the Guadalupe!

We got back and Josh had to go to his drill duty. Then today, the summer session started.

We are so thankful we were able to see family and celebrate Hunter's birthday with everyone. Though we are exhausted, the memories were wonderful!

11 months

2010-05-13T20:54:00.008-04:00

Hunter is 11 months old today. Where has the time gone? Before I know it he is going to be one.

He is just as affectionate as can be. He loves to cuddle and every morning we enjoy about 15 minutes of what I call "morning cuddle time." It is one of the highlights of my day. Hunter is curious, talkative, and tender-hearted. He loves to be around people. He loves textures: hair, carpet, blankets... anything he get his little fingers around and play with. He still likes his bounce bounce, but for much shorter amounts of time and he likes it for different reasons now: it gives him the ability to stand upright and grab things. He pulls himself up to standing as often as he gets the chance. He loves bath time.
He weighs around 21 lbs now. He can crawl and prefers to army crawl--he goes much faster that way. He knows the word "no" but does not always chose to obey it. He says lots of things. Here is an example of his talkative self:

Pictures- 10 months

2010-05-12T22:48:00.012-04:00

Before Hunter is officially 11 months old (tomorrow!) I want to get caught up on his 10 month pictures. (I really should be studying. I have to take 2 finals in the next 40 hours. But I am ooovvveeerrr studying. Here's to slacking! ha!)

Here is Hunter at 10 months. He got sick right around his 10 month birthday and it really freaked me out. At 4 a.m., he woke up crying and felt so hot to me. He had a fever of 102, but no other apparent symptoms. We had stopped giving him his medicine for his urinary tract infections just a few weeks before so we were afraid it was another UTI. The doc examined him early that Saturday morning and determined it was probably just a virus. In the process, she had to scrape hard balls of wax out of his ears. I have never seen him more upset than he was that morning. It took him a LONG time to calm down. It was heartbreaking. But I was so relieved he didn't have a UTI. At that appointment, Hunter weighed right at 20 lbs.

One more quick story from Hunter's 10th month:
He began pulling himself up to standing quite regularly. One afternoon, instead of falling asleep, he decided to test out his new skills in his crib. He pulled himself up and proceeded to stand on top of the bumpers. Then, since he couldn't figure out how to get down, he cried and cried. I went in to check on him and was shocked to see him standing! I decided I better take the bumpers out of his crib so that he didn't stand on them and use them to hoist himself out of the crib.
I took them out, tucked him back in and left the room. Hunter was very upset... wasn't it play time now that I had come in? So, I let him cry for about 10-15 minutes. His cries seemed to be getting harder instead of calming down, so I went in to check on him. Poor little guy... his leg got stuck in the slots of the crib! He was crying because he was stuck! Oh I felt awful! I tried and tried to work his little leg back through the slot but COULD NOT get it un-stuck. Feeling very emotional, I called Josh. He was at work and there was nothing he could do... so I went and knocked on my neighbor's door. It was like I couldn't think clearly... I needed someone who could be rational to help me!!! Katie was so nice. She and her three little girls came over and helped rescue Hunter. It took us a while, and all the while he was getting more and more frustrated... he was turning bright red and screaming. Katie finally had the idea to use Vaseline on his leg and on the crib. That worked. Hunter was free and although very shaken up, his little leg was fine.

I put the bumpers back in the bed. That night, Josh helped me realize that even if Hunter stands on the bumpers, he is simply not tall enough (let alone strong enough) to hoist himself out of the crib yet. And the bumpers are way better than his little limbs getting stuck all the time.

1st Mother's Day

2010-05-10T10:34:00.013-04:00

I had a wonderful Mother's Day with my two boys yesterday. It was very surreal for me to experience the day as "my" day. At church, all the mothers were given tulips. That was so sweet. I felt very special. Then we came home so Hunter could take his nap... and he fell asleep on me! He hasn't done that in so long! I loved holding him and watching him sleep.

After his nap, we went to Nadoz Cafe. We enjoyed crepes & coffee and a tiny little Mother's Day Cake.

Then we went to a beautiful park and took a walk. I really enjoyed talking to Josh and Hunter loved being pushed in his stroller.

I am so blessed to be a mom. I love that Josh made this day special for me and that I have the sweetest little baby boy!

Date Night

2010-05-08T00:42:00.002-04:00

Thanks to the generosity of our school & the thoughtfulness of new friends, Josh & I were able to go on a date tonight.

We left Hunter at the Log Cabin, as we have done before. This time he was screaming and did not like the fact we were leaving him with strangers. Poor little guy! But on we went...

We started the night at P.F. Changs, Josh's favorite. Then we went to a little coffee shop across the street. The manager-on-duty happened to be one of Josh's friends from the Army Reserves. It was fun to meet him & he gave us a great discount! :)

Then we came back to campus to pick up Hunter and get him ready for bed. The workers said he did calm down, but showed his upset several times throughout the night. He so rarely is upset, I was surprised to hear this report. But they said he did eat his dinner & he did play a little. When I picked him up from the highchair, he grabbed my neck so tight and didn't let go for a long time... it was so sweet!

After we put him to bed, we took our monitor to our neighbors and friends Joe & Karen. They kindly offered to "monitor-sit" so we could go to the movies. Josh & I hadn't been to a movie since we moved here, and we LOVE going to the movies together, so we were soooooo excited for this treat! We saw Iron Man 2. It was fantastic!

This was a great way to burn off some school stress-- the past week has been crazy and we have one more crazy week to go. I have an 8 page paper and two finals left; Josh has TWO 8 page papers, one oral final, and two written finals left. And our goal is to have this all done by next Friday... yikes.

Cheers to date night & to the kindness of friends!

Hymnody

2010-05-06T23:54:00.003-04:00

Josh & I took a weekend class this semester called 'The History of Hymnody.' It was taught by Kevin Twit, the director of Indelible Grace Music. We are both huge fans of their work. They take old hymns and re-work the music to make them more modern and add more instruments.

The class was amazing. But this week, we have had to do the work to get the credit for the class.... not so amazing! It has been a lot of work. One of our assignments was to pick a hymn and write an 8-10 page paper on every aspect of the hymn from the author, to the time it was written, to deep exposition of every verse. Here is the hymn I wrote about:

With tearful eyes I look around;
Life seems a dark and stormy sea;
Yet, midst the gloom, I hear a sound,
A heavenly whisper, “Come to Me.”

It tells me of a place of rest;
It tells me where my soul may flee:
O to the weary, faint, oppressed,
How sweet the bidding, “Come to Me.”

When the poor heart with anguish learns
That earthly props resigned must be,
And from each broken cistern turns,
It hears the accents, “Come to Me.”

When against sin I strive in vain,
And cannot from its yoke get free,
Sinking beneath the heavy chain,
The words arrest me, “Come to Me.”

When nature shudders, loath to part
From all I love, enjoy, and see;
When a faint chill steals o’er my heart,
A sweet voice utters, “Come to Me.”

“Come, for all else must fall and die;
Earth is no resting-place for thee;
Heavenward direct thy weeping eye,
I am thy Portion; come to Me.”

O voice of mercy! voice of love!
In conflict, grief, and agony,
Support me, cheer me from above,
And gently whisper, “Come to Me.”

Beautiful hymn, by an inspiring woman. This hymn is a picture of the Gospel. Charlotte Elliott had a wonderful gift of exposing her emotions to the Lord in exemplary verse and then applying the Gospel to her very situation. Elliott shows that the Gospel is necessary for both the unbeliever and the believer. The Gospel is enough. God truly is our portion and gently whispers “Come to Me” to all his children, just as they are, with no need to pretty themselves or hide their true selves. Elliott shows us that it is in honesty and brokenness we are able to receive God and experience His presence.

It's May?

2010-05-02T00:26:00.003-04:00

Where did April go?

The month has been a blur and in the blur I have forgotten to blog. SAD! Dear blog, please don't see my absence as me forgetting you... I have missed you!

Unfortunately, the next two weeks are likely going to make the past few weeks seem nice and relaxing. We are entering final season here at Covenant. I cannot believe the semester has already flown past us. I have really enjoyed my classes, yet I am looking forward to summer travels as well as courses I will be taking, so it is difficult to work on these silly papers & tests.

I feel I need to at least document a few highlights of April, so I don't forget!

Here are a few special memories:
1. Easter. We had a busy day full of celebrating our Risen Lord. We started with a breakfast at our church, then went to a lunch at my friend Courtney's house, then had dinner and fun adult time with the families from our building. Wonderful day.
2. Josh's mom came to visit! It was so fun to spend time together & for Hunter to have some "grandma time!" She took care of Hunter while Josh & I took a class together. It was so kind of her to drive all the way here... I think she really enjoyed the time, too!
3. Josh had his first weekend duty with the United States Army Reserve. He was shocked by how different it felt to be an officer as opposed to an enlisted man. Although most of the unit was on leave, he had a great time and really bonded with a few of the other chaplain candidates.
4. We went to a Cardinals game! :) It was a fun date, and although I felt a little like a traitor (I kept saying under my breath, "I am a Cubbies fan! I am a Cubbies fan!), I really enjoyed being in the stadium. I love the atmosphere of a ball game.
5. Hunter learned to crawl so fast and to pull himself up to standing. Whew! Everything is a little harder now. We spent $180 at Babies R Us the other night on items to Hunter-proof our apartment. We are having to be extra careful about where we set EVERYTHING and to make sure anything within 2 feet of the floor is baby-appropriate. But I am so excited for the little guy. He gets so proud of himself when he makes it where he wants to go or pulls himself up to standing. So cute.

Those are the highlights... I will post pictures soon.

Embrace

2010-04-05T21:08:00.005-04:00

There is a park across the street from our beautiful campus. It has a mile long track that goes around a pond with a fountain and flowering trees surrounding it. This evening, we walked to the park and Josh went for a run around the track. Hunter and I walked around and enjoyed the beautiful trees.

I carried Hunter in the bjorn, which he still loves. As Josh ran, Hunter and I found a park bench to sit on. And that is where I had the best moment of my week.

Hunter has been showing a new level of independence the last few weeks. From only eating what he can put into his mouth himself to turning over and squirming anytime his diaper is changed, the baby has morphed into more of a squirt lately. His new-found ability to army crawl has enabled him to get into things he shouldn't and that means mommy's job has just gotten harder.

But today, on the park bench, he put both of his arms around my neck and pressed his cheek to mine and he just wanted to hug. I sang to him, rocked him, and loved on him all while he clung tightly to me.

There is nothing like holding a newborn, and I have missed those days lately. But today I discovered there is nothing like holding an almost 10-month-old who clings himself to you because he wants to. Talk about making my heart melt. I love this little boy more and more everyday-- and I don't even see how that is possible.

Baylee

2010-03-28T20:09:00.009-04:00

At the beginning of Spring Break, we took a 24-hour trip to Iowa. We were in the car slightly longer than we were actually at Josh's parents house, but it was so fun to see the Hammans and spend time with Baylee. Baylee is my little dog. We are not allowed to have her here on campus, so Josh's parents are keeping her for us. They have been so kind to take such great care of her. We recently found out that her liver is failing. The vet said she could live a few more days or a few more months. It is very sad.

I rescued Baylee 5 years ago from a shelter in Dallas, Texas. I got her just a few short weeks after my dad died, and she was such a great little companion through not only my grief, but also my adventures in Colorado and Virginia. She has been the best little dog I have ever had!

So when we found out she was sick we knew we had to go visit her, even if was just for a few hours.

Spring Break

2010-03-22T22:27:00.003-04:00

Spring Break?!?! How cool is it to be in a world where Spring Break exists again?!?!

The other night as we were just getting started on a game of Catan with our friends, we noticed a giant pool of water growing in our kitchen. Our dishwasher decided to fill so full it was bursting out of all the edges. Josh opened the door and it was STILL filling with water... water EVERYWHERE! Maintenance came and showed us how to turn off the water valve. The next day, I went into the kitchen to get dinner started and the floor was soaked again. Even with the water off, the dishwasher had filled and was leaking AGAIN. Maintenance came again & we were given a wet/dry vacuum and told to clear out the water at least every 12 hours. This morning, they came again and analyzed everything. They decided we are going to get a new dishwasher! Hooray! This one hasn't been bad to us the past 2 months. But how cool is it to get a new one?!? Right now Josh is in the kitchen doing our dishes by hand. And I'm in on the computer. What a good husband!

So far, this has been the most productive "break" I have had in a long time. Check out how productive we have been so far, (even beyond cleaning the water from our kitchen floor!):

1. driven to Winterset, Iowa and back.
2. quality time with Baylee, as well as dinner & breakfast with the Hammans.
3. emptying our off-campus storage unit and closing our contract.
4. cleaning out the office (3rd bedroom).
5. round of Catan with our neighbors.
6. church Sunday morning.
7. grocery shopping.
8. cleaning out our on-campus storage area.
9. sorting Hunter's clothes and boxing up the ones he has grown out of.
10. starting our taxes... I think we are about 1/2 way through.
11. cleaning out file cabinets and filing the 5 months worth of paperwork that had accumulated in our bedroom.
12. watching 24 on TV-- we never get to do that! (usually we get caught up sometime during the week on Hulu.)

Yea, it is only Monday of Spring Break and we have knocked out lots of things on our "to do" list. Tomorrow, we are going to have fun!

9 months!

2010-03-18T23:04:00.008-04:00

Dear Hunter,
You are 9 months old now. Your daddy and I are so glad that you live with us and that we get to be a part of all of your days. You are usually very easy going. You love people and like to be where the action is. You smile easily and your little laugh is so adorable!
Lately, your favorite thing has been to "raaaawwwrrr." You like to see how high you can get your voice and then see how low you can get your voice. Then you like the sound of making your breath really loud-- like you are "roar"ing under your breath. You say "dadada" all the time and sometimes you throw in a "ba" or a "ma" or a "na." You have 6 little teeth: you just cut the sixth one a few nights ago.

You have started eating Cheerios and it is so cute to watch you figure out how to get something from your hand to your mouth. You are very patient. You have had a few tastes of bread and even some mashed potatoes this month. You LOVE your sippy cup and get so excited when it is offered to you. For breakfast, you usually have a mixed cereal with a fruit mixed in, like pears or applesauce. For dinner, you usually eat a veggie or two and sometimes you have a meat. Your favorite is still carrots. You still eat breast milk five times a day, but that is beginning to change. Today your babysitter gave you a bottle and that went really well.

You sleep like a champ: usually about 11 hours at night and then another 2-3 during the day. Your schedule is very consistent!

You really love to play. Gone are the days where I could just set you on a blanket and then we would stare at each other. No, these days you are on the move. You love your "bounce bounce" (the door jumparoo thingy), your truck that plays music, your glow worm, and board books. You love your Baylor Bear (sic 'em) and your mirror. And basically anything else you can get your little hands on!

I love being your mom! You are such a sweet baby and you give hugs a lot. You love to cuddle and that always makes my heart melt! You have the most handsome blue eyes and I love when they light up. You are the sweetest baby I could ever imagine.

Today I took you to the doctor and this is what she told me:
You weigh: 19 lbs and 14 oz
You are: 28 1/2 inches tall

You are growing up! :) I love every inch of you!!!
Love, Your Mom!